What do you think when you hear the word blonde and skinny? Do you hate a bitch already? Or do you smile and wave? Do you think there is a gaping distance of any possible friendship or mutual ground?

There are notions that go with these words. And glares. Like wanna-tie-her-down-and-pour-cheese-sauce-down-her-throat Glares.

I’m that blonde skinny girl. I dye my hair dark sometimes, so I can be that brunette skinny girl. It is who I am, and just like any other women, I have my own insecurities, battles, and fears.

But there are a handful of fellow women who won’t even make eye contact with a girl like me. You think we are ‘so different’ because we shop on different parts of the rack. I’m looking at you girls over there, in the self-appointed fat girl club.

If I’m out in the crowd you think I’m so overconfident in my size small yellow cardigan. If I am being a wallflower you assume I’m a snob. If I eat a salad you scoff that I probably only eat a blueberry and carrot stick for dinner. If I eat a burger you roll your eyes that I can gorge on ‘anything I want’.  You think it’s okay to comment on my weight. As if pointing out to someone how you could break them like a twig is any better than commenting to someone who is overweight.

You can’t be happy around me and I can feel it the second I come into your presence.

You think because our stature is different that we have become incompatible and a wall is put up.  It’s a self-perpetuating idea when you get this thought stuck on repeat in your head. But girl, it ain’t the truth.

I bet if we can have a few drinks together we can bond over our mutual crush on Patrick Stewart, he’s old, but good jawlines are timeless. Maybe we could meet up at my messy house for coffee and spend a couple hours complaining about our husband’s man colds and the shitty customer service at the grocery store. Then perhaps one day we can share our fears that we aren’t doing well as mothers, daughters, or sisters.

Because we are both women who want to feel special to our loved ones. It seems we are both trying to hush that voice inside of us convincing us we aren’t somehow enough.

So you can stand on the sidelines clutching your mojito while Melanie teaches me how to twerk my pancake ass. Or you can bring the foam finger and show us how it’s done.


Her friends know her has their nerdy girlfriend who gets day drunk at ladies' lunches. Shawna gave up her career to be a stay at home mom to three kids under four. She is online sharing the questions she is asking around simple living, simple style and simple health. Candid about marriage ish, momfails and God's grace.


  1. Great post !! I don’t feel sorry for you, but it was a good read and a valid perspective. big Hugs!

  2. “If I’m out in the crowd you think I’m so over confident in my size small yellow cardigan. If I am being a wallflower you assume I’m a snob. If I eat a salad you scoff that I probably only eat a blueberry and carrot stick for dinner. If I eat a burger you roll your eyes that I can gorge on ‘anything I want’. You think it’s okay to comment on my weight.”

    Yes, yes yes!!! Not to mention skinny girls have insecurities about being flat-chested or being “bony”, having no curves, etc. Skinny does not automatically mean desirable. I won’t hate on your great rack and curves and you don’t hate on my skinny ass!

    • You are picking up what I’m putting down Mallory. When I want to look sexy I end up looking cute, when I want to look cute I end up looking seven. I would love to have some more curves and feel WOMANLY. I’m pretty much a boy with pretty hair.

    • Very few skinny girls have insecurities about having a small rack. You would be surprised how many guys like small tits. Also, I am not sure why curvy means fat. I am curvy, and I am definitely thin.

      • Really? Seems to me like when us thin girls want to be sexy, all we need to do is wear a tight pair of jeans, preferably high waisted to emphasize the length of leg, wear no make up, Maybe a pair of high heels, and a short tight jacket, and we look sexier then a girl with curves could with all the push up bra in the world. As for looking womanly, thin looks sophisticated. It is made for expensive designer duds.

  3. I’m a fat girl that totally agrees with you. I’m not going to comment on your weight, but I may offer you a sandwich if I’m eating a sandwich too. I have fat friends and skinny friends, all of which I wouldn’t trade for the world. I go out with them and eat, drink, dance. Sometimes going out with my skinny friends helps me forget that I’m fat. And I would love to share a drink with you, and compare old man crushes – besides Patrick Stewart, I also love Sean Connery. 🙂

    • Thanks Aubrey! I will take you up on that sandwich. And heck to the YEAH, Sean Connery!! Any man with an accent and sexy eyes is top shelf in my books too.

  4. Savery Mader Reply

    LOL!!! Oh my gosh i haven’t read any of your stuff yet Shawna, I just found your invite to your fb page today. This is both hilarious and insanely true. I too am a skinny blonde girl!! Oh and I have two year old twins and run a business while my husband leaves town for 28 days at a time, i’m pretty sure there is a kick me sign on my back! I exude confidence, i hold my head up high and i work my butt off. What you don’t see is me sitting on the floor having a melt down with my two two year olds and the fact that i often go to bed at 8 pm. We’re all trying as hard as we can! What a wonderful world it would be if instead of judging each other and tearing each other down we could support each other. Till then i’ll be the NICE skinny blonde girl thats hard to hate 😉 Just try to dislike me!!! I DARE YOU 🙂 Great post 🙂

  5. I have thoughts on this. Finding the right words has taken me a day or so.

    I think that in all situations people have trouble imagining the challenges of others. I can walk on both my legs, and although I complain about sore feet, I cannot fathom the privilege I have compared to those faced with mobility challenges. But my feet still hurt.

    The issue of thin privilege in society has been much debated in the Blunt Moms back stage area. Nothing starts a bun fight faster (well maybe talking about vaccination brings out more crazy but that is a whole other level).

    The fat girls don’t feel sorry for one single kvetch of the thin girls. The answer is always, “Ya but you are thin so shut up”. Not fair, not nice, and very much a symptom of life long frustration and anguish. That is where it comes from. Doesn’t make it right.

    Worries about body all come down to insecurity, and lots of times baggage from our family of origin. It isn’t limited to physical things though. Society prefers tall men, and extroverts. There are way more careers leaning toward the talkers than those with less obvious social skills. White people have privilege, and pretend not to, attractive people make more money, and women with deep voices are taken more seriously. It is just a thing. A human thing.

    As for the poor skinny girls, you want to be more shapely? Eat a burger and buy a fraudulent bra. Problem solved.

    And friends don’t let friends wear yellow cardigans, even if they are a size 2.

    • Oh you had me at the beginning Magnolia. Even the middle. But by then end I was shaking my head. I swear I’ll punch the next person who tells me to eat a sandwich (or burger). Not sure why people think it’s ok to say things like that. It’s not. The “skinny” aren’t privileged, despite what people say. People seem to think that life would be all rainbows and butterflies, if only they were skinny. Let me tell you that is BULL SHIT. Plain and simple. Whatever problems you had when you were heavier are still there when you are skinny. All of them. Except maybe a heart attack.

      BTW I’m a size 2 who owns a yellow cardigan.

      • I agree it’s not helpful to tell skinny people to just eat a burger. I think what Magnolia is saying about skinny privilege is real though. Our world/media prefers a lean woman. It what we see everywhere. In general, people are not shamed in the media for being skinny. When you are skinny people automatically assume you are healthy, fit, in shape. They want to hire you more they want to be around you more.

        When you are fat, people assume you over-eat, are unhealthy, lazy, dirty, unmotivated, etc. You even did it in your reply–“Except maybe a heart attack.” The assumption that fat people are unhealthy.

        No one is denying your individual experience as a skinny person. No on is denying that in reality, you weight does not make your problems appear or go away. That’s a lie we’ve all been sold.

        As a skinny person, you are not systematically shamed. Your experiences are individual–and while that’s shitty, too–it’s tough as a fat person to be told by society that you are not enough (or too much, if we’re being literal).

        Absolutely people are shitty to skinny people. And your pain is real. And you have privilege. That doesn’t make your life all rainbows, but it means you have unearned rewards that the fat do not.

    • Wow Magnolia, well said. Thank you.
      I didn’t write this for ‘pity’. I don’t think that would bring us any closer to understanding each other as women. I am getting an ‘I don’t feel sorry for you’ response from the readers on this and it just reiterates your comments on what is happening on the societal level.
      We can’t ever be content with the image we see in the mirror when it is filtered through the accumulation of all the unloved feelings we’ve ever had.
      And thanks for the advice, I own a fraudulent bra, sometimes I double up — it’s like strapping two toss cushions to my chest.

  6. I’m just jealous of you because I would look like you if I had an ounce of self control.

  7. I was really underweight for most of my life and suffered for it. I have a very high metabolism so as a child I was given a special diet to hold and hopefully gain weight. I have been called chicken legs, skinny minnie, bean pole etc etc the list goes on. In my twenties while waiting in a line for a buffet I told my friend I was starving and the lady in front of me turned to advise me that I looked like I was too. I have been called in to the school office to see if my parents were feeding me or if I was anorexic. I have been tormented by so called well meaning people for most of my life. After having 3 kids I finally have some chub which I am happy about. I got to see the other side of the weight issue when I tipped the scale at 205 lbs after giving birth to my 3rd child. I have worked hard to lose the extra lbs through healty eating and exercise and am finally comfortable in my own skin. I now feel “normal” however, when I hear friends complain about being overweight I think you don’t know how lucky you are. I was accepted when I was overweight and ostracsized when I was underweight. Given a choice I would choose a few to many lbs vs being too skinny. People aught to be accepted for who they are and not what they look like. What a nice world that would be!

  8. I am trying not to go into one big rant here but this article irritated me. I am a big woman and I could not care less how skinny or fat someone is. I have never made comments like the ones you mention. I have been slim in the past and I do not envy nor hate slim women. However, your thin girl problems are truly petty. Ever had a guy tell you you are closer to a farm animal than a human? Ever had a person move seats when you sit next to them in the cinema? Ever had looks of disgust from other women when you go to a public swimming pool? I do not hate me body but society does. I cannot so much as go to the doctor without some snide comment about weight, as many fat people can relate to. When you are a fat woman, that is what people see; your size. You are not a woman, you are a FAT woman and they treat you as such. We are shamed in the media constantly and fat hate is widely accepted. No, fat people should not comment on your size, but they are not all of us. Maybe they wouldn’t need to comment if society wasn’t so obsessed with size. They are constantly aware of it.

  9. Thank you for this post!!! Being a skinny mom in the Midwest is terrible!! Its nearly impossible to make “mom” friends, and right now I am dealing with the hateful way my daughter’s obese summer camp director treats me. She weighs about 400 lbs and is your typical self-centered “jolly” all-American lady- until it comes to dealing with me. From up and down looks to downright mean comments, I deal with it all just to drop off and pick up my kids. Its so clear its a vengeful way to act out her own insecurities, but seriously, it needs to STOP! ugh!

  10. justsomeguy Reply

    you’re not “skinny”, you’re normal. Please use the word “slim”

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