With Facebook Friends Like Me, Who Needs Spammers.

In the beginning, we were both so excited. I Friended you, you Friended me. The World was our Oyster.

We were going to share our life experiences with each other. Because, that’s what Friends do.

Then, I started entering giveaways and being the good friend I am, I wanted you to get in on the action too.

Remember when I shared that one for a package of free toilet paper. Every day for a week. Twice.

Wasn’t it great that I got an extra contest entry. See how being Friends with me is a win, win situation! Don’t be embarrassed, everyone needs toilet paper.

Then, I stopped entering giveaways, but I knew that you’d be sad to stop seeing posts from me. So, I decided to share every single blog post that I’ve ever written with you. I knew that you wouldn’t want to miss that story about how I finally got rid of that brown spot on my toilet bowl and the time that Max finally pooed after three days. Even though you stop by my blog every day, subscribe by email and follow me via all your social media networks. I mean, what are Friends for?

I’m sensing a trend here.

I have a confession to make. From that first moment until today, I had no idea what being a Facebook Friend was about. I didn’t get it.

At all.

I’m sorry.

Why didn’t you tell me? Did you think I knew?

Moving forward, I’ll try to be a better friend. I’ll share things that you want to hear about and I already have a few ideas.

Like that time that I slipped in cat vomit, or that I ate a half sesame bagel with light cream cheese for breakfast. I’m saving the boxer versus briefs debate for a special occasion.

Because, with Friends like me, who Needs Spammers.

P.S. Did I mention that I was sorry.

P.P.S. You can unblock me now.