Maybe Tiger Blood Needs Some New Friends

Kristine Laco
Written by Kristine Laco

With a positive attitude and a positive diagnosis, the only person more happy than Matt Lauer to hear about Charlie Sheen was Bill Cosby. The spotlight has changed, Jell-O boy, put your ruffies down and step aside.

Charlie appeared on the Today Show with Matt Lauer to spread the word that the stigma will end and the shame is now over as he is positive that he is HIV positive. HIV is not a death sentence but it is a product of a lifestyle that Sheen has not been ashamed to admit to.

  1. He fraternizes with prostitutes.
  2. He has unprotected sex sometimes with more than one person at a time.
  3. He abuses drugs and alcohol.

Let’s be clear, Charlie, you are not the victim here. It really sucks that you have HIV and I don’t wish that on you or anyone, I really don’t. You have spread not only your seed, but also your money to hide your little secret. You tell us that these extortionists (prostitutes) took you for $10 million or more. At upwards to $35,000 a pop when you would invite them to party, that is less than a year’s worth of prostitutes. I say you got off easy but that would be a bad euphemism, and really unlike me.

I have to admit that your wordsmithing is divine. This paragraph alone makes you Pulitzer worthy. Locked in a vacuum of fear, I chose to allow their threats and skullduggery to vastly deplete future assets from my children, while my “secret” sat entombed in their hives of folly.” But Charlie, despite your panache with the pen, I can not understand how you feel you have been victimized. Sorry, did I stutter?

Guess what, Tiger Blood? Maybe your choice in friends could save you some money. Why don’t you start there and then we might feel for you.

You say in your open letter that “It was a suicide run. Problem was, I’d forgotten that I’m too tough for such a cowardly departure.” Are we to believe you had forgotten you are too tough to be a coward for the last 4 years but you had never in your “abysmal decent into profound substance abuse and fathomless drinking” forgot a dose of your meds or forgot to tell a hooker that you were positive? 

Maybe it slipped your mind to mention the type of condoms you prefer are only good for preventing pregnancy and not for disease prevention. That’s right, lambskin condoms are not the preferred choice of those with any communicable disease but they are your preferred choice. #Losing. Or, did you forget to tell your Goddesses in 2011 that you were HIV positive while strapping on a sheep’s intestine instead of good old american latex and choosing nothing at all during menstruation? Maybe you owe Bree Olson a call because she slept with you for a year and you forgot to mention your HIV status to her. Even porn stars deserve respect Charlie. Let me guess, you were Chicken Dinner

Finally, I think your medical knowledge is unfit for network television…or did you play a doctor on TV that I have forgotten? Are you to tell us, conclusively mind you, that the two women you slept with under the supervision of your doctor willingly had unprotected sex with you after your diagnosis? Was it worth it to them? Was it worth it to you? Did you offer them a Jell-O shooter first, Charlie? 

Let’s be clear, you are not a coward for having HIV, that just sucks and it is too bad you have to shout it to the world to get out of your personal hell. But, you are a coward for paying off prostitutes for secrets, playing the victim and not being clear with your partners and needing unprotected sex with two separate women after your diagnosis. Shame on you.

In 2011 you called the Two and a Half Men’s producer a “contaminated little maggot”. That just sounds like the pot calling the kettle Charlie and in your own words, karmic.

Love and Peace.

#CharlieSheen

About the author

Kristine Laco

Kristine Laco

Kristine Laco shares the stories we all have with a splash of sarcasm, a pinch of bitch and a ton of wine. Her middle finger is her favourite and she lives by the motto that if you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them. She takes selfies at the gyno. Taco Tuesday is her gospel. Reality TV is real folks. She is making turning 50 a job because she doesn't have one.

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