What I Thought I Knew About Parenting Before I had Kids

Wannabee BLUNT
Written by Wannabee BLUNT

Hey, remember the days of yesteryear when we thought we knew a thing or two about parenting and kids? You know, before we had kids ourselves. We thought we knew what was going on and had answers for all the parenting woes. Turns out I didn’t have a clue as to what was happening in the parenting world. Having kids will set you straight. Real fucking fast. I  kind of feel like a dipshit about what I used to think before I had the actual children and became an actual parent.

What I thought:
In the grocery store you spot a cougar type woman trying to put the moves on a much younger man. She has him backed into a corner. There is fear in his eyes. He probably needs your help.
What it was:
A mother is trying to discipline her tween son, who is taller, bigger and stronger than her. She is using words he has never heard come out of a woman’s mouth, but that is all she can do right now. There is fear in his eyes. He is looking to you for help.

What I thought:
A woman driving very aggressively, but doing it with a smile. She burnt some rubber at that last intersection. Pat Benatar is blasting through her windows, hair is flying. She has probably been drinking. Better call the police.
What it was:
A mother is getting an afternoon to herself (for the first time in over a month) she could pretty much rule the world right now.

What I thought:
A very happy man is whistling in Home Depot. He has one child on his back, and two more in the cart slapping each other in the eyeballs. He is handling it so well. In fact, he doesn’t even notice. Wow! What a man!
What it was:
That dude just got laid (for the first time in over a month) he could pretty much rule the world right now.

What I thought:
A bunch of wild women are out to dinner. They are far too obnoxious to be in this establishment. Obviously they all have a drinking problem and swear too much. The only time they shut up was when dessert came.
What it was:
A bunch of moms, getting the best therapy of their lives.

What I thought
A woman with two overflowing grocery carts at the grocery store. It appears that she will be hosting a dinner party for the whole state. Looks like she has done this before though. She handles those carts like a boss. Maybe she is a caterer.
What it was:
A woman shopping for her teenagers. It is just a regular Tuesday for her. After this, she is going to do the same thing at Target. There are a million birthday parties this month, and everyone needs socks and underwear. The toilet paper supply needs to be replenished, and the fucking dogs need to eat.

What I thought:
A husband and wife leaving a restaurant, each with a huge sundae in hand and nothing for their three kids who are clearly very distraught. Seems pretty cruel. Horrible actually.
What it was:
The kids fought they whole way to the restaurant. They didn’t eat their dinner and decided it was a good idea to kick each other under the table during the whole meal. Nobody wanted to sit next to anybody. Then spitballs happened. Water spilled. Mom and Dad were gluten free, dairy free, sugar free all week. They are going to enjoy their one fucking treat a week. Even if they have to take it to go.

Kind of glad this parenting thing has cleared up so many misconceptions. If you need me I will be in the corner, eating a big ass piece of humble pie.

About the author: Katie Smith had three kids in three years and likes to craft her ass off and wear faux leather pants. She also enjoys burger joints, potty humor and pays her kids to rub her feet. You can see more of her shenanigans on her blog www.philigry.com, Facebook and Instagram.

About the author

Wannabee BLUNT

Wannabee BLUNT

Wannabe's are Guest Authors to BLUNTmoms. They might be one-hit wonders, or share a variety of posts with us. They "may" share their names with you, or they might write as "anonymous" but either way, they are sharing their stories and their opinions on our site, and for that we are grateful.

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