How to Survive the Canadian Target Clearance Sales

Stop sobbing into your wine glasses, and pull yourselves together, women. Target Canada’s clearance sale starts tomorrow, marking the start of your last chance to stock up on Mossimo tees without needing a passport. We’re here to help with the ultimate guide to surviving the Target clearance sales:

Target Canada Clearance Survival Guide

1. B.O. is a go. Don’t waste precious early morning line time in your shower. The more people are shying away from your stench, the less elbows you’ll have to throw to keep that coveted place at the clearance table.
2. Stuff your tote with the three C’s. Caffeine, charge cards and coupons. You don’t want to lose precious shopping time standing in the never-ending Starbucks line. After all, they aren’t going anywhere.
3. Think you have time for a pee? Don’t do it! I guarantee that while you’re cooling your heels in the restroom line, someone else is snatching up the last Circo crib set. Your kids never let you pee on a normal day, so why should this be any different?
4. Nice gals finish last. There’s no room for niceties or weak stomachs in the battle over those kids’ character tees. Either sharpen your talons, or be prepared to hear, “Why don’t I have a Frozen t-shirt?” for the rest of the year.
5. Finders keepers. Need just one more bottle of Method dish soap? Put on your spelunking hat and dig into those dark corners if you can’t find the item you need. If that doesn’t work, tackle the gal that did get the last one and claim your prize. Viking style.
6. Prepare for the long haul. Literally. Put on your most comfortable shoes and then bench press a kid or two on your way out the door. Those PlayStation games and Barbie accessories aren’t going to carry themselves out to your car.
7. One final suggestion. If the Target clearance sale feels more like the apocalypse than an opportunity, cuddle up on your couch with your laptop and save your dollars for online shopping instead. Did somebody say Amazon???