Stop With The Lame-Ass Gender Reveal Parties – Try These Instead!

Wannabee BLUNT
Written by Wannabee BLUNT

When did these gender parties become an actual thing? I’m too busy raising my brood of six (gender reveals at end of post) to attend elaborate shindigs where women’s pregnancies become mystery plots with twist endings. Instead of disclosing “Whodunnit” they announce, “Blue won it!”

Big deal — It’s a penis, ya genius!

However I’m always on board with some motherhood intrigue. As a professional party planner, I’m compelled to offer these 10 exciting twists to make Gender Reveal Parties extra memorable!

  1. Forget the white frosted cake with boy or girl colored filling inside. Boring. Plan a surprise BBQ instead. Grill your “gender reveal” hamburger patties rare so they’re bright pink inside. This works best if you’re having a girl and guests are cool with E. coli. On second thought, better stick with a cupcake reveal.
  2. When guests bite into cupcakes with bright green centers, you audibly gasp then quickly ask for name suggestions besides Mork or ET — because obviously baby is a Martian.
  3. Create an adorable gender reveal cake-pop. Eat the whole thing in one bite, swallow, burp, smile mysteriously and shout, “Surprise! The gender is none of your business!”
  4. Play off the word “Be.” (He or She? What will it BEE?) Have hubby dress up as Winnie-the-Pooh to serve honey. Have pink and blue epi-pens on hand when the bumblebees are released should any guests suffer anaphylaxis. You could also release owls (WHOO will it be?) but that’s rather predictable.
  5. Invite your OB/GYN. Relax, he’s not recreating the sonogram while your guests watch. (Too sticky!) Instead, he’ll mysteriously hold up a pink and blue latex balloon while spellbound guests take bets on which color his lips latch onto. After he inflates the correct balloon, be sure to holler, “Great Blow-Job, Doc!”
  6. Whip up a batch of blueberry and cotton-candy flavored margaritas in your special “Gender Blender.” Get guests good and sloshed before announcing baby will be a hermaphrodite.
  7. Have the ultrasound technician write the gender on a slip of paper, then seal in an envelope. Shop for both girl and boy clothing, handing the cashier the envelope while instructing her to box up the correct outfit. When you open the package at the party and discover both the frilly dress AND the Lil’ Slugger overalls – guests will applaud wildly, exclaiming, “Twins!!” Actually the store clerk just works on commission.
  8. Guests dressing in the color they predict for baby is a cute way to have them vote. But guys won’t do pink, so change it up: red = girl and green = boy. Put up a Christmas tree, mistletoe, and serve eggnog to see if you can distract everyone from this whole gender forecasting business.
  9. Buy buckets of pink paint and invite guests to your undecorated nursery. This isn’t so much a reveal as it is saving money on professional painters. Admonish anyone who stains your carpet won’t hold little Jacob after HE is born. Watch baffled expressions as you tape down pink baby blankets as drop cloths.
  10. Hang a printed sign, “Little Man or Little Lady?” on a dramatic theater curtain. At the proper moment, yank the cord to slide open the red velvet drapes, exposing a sideshow-bearded lady. Serve peanuts and popcorn under a big-top tent in your backyard because you just turned a normal baby shower into a 3-ring circus. Congratulations!

P.S. – The author will reveal the gender of her six children when she figures out why this matters so much.  Thank you for your patience.

Stephanie D. Lewis pens a humor blog called Once Upon Your Prime at http://onceuponyourprime.com
Her work has been featured on In The Powder Room, BlogHer, XO Jane, Say It With a Bang and local print publications. She is a regular contributor to The Huffington Post and you can follow her on Twitter @MissMenopause. A single mother of six, she’ll pass on a full time nanny but definitely needs a live-in psychiatrist.

 

About the author

Wannabee BLUNT

Wannabee BLUNT

Wannabe's are Guest Authors to BLUNTmoms. They might be one-hit wonders, or share a variety of posts with us. They "may" share their names with you, or they might write as "anonymous" but either way, they are sharing their stories and their opinions on our site, and for that we are grateful.

25 Comments

  • I didn’t know this was a thing. The ultrasound was wrong about the size and sex of my nephew and a friend’s child, so I didn’t focus too much on gender. I still bought gender neutral clothes for the first day home.

  • Actually, no one knows the gender of their child until the child tells them. What all the hooplah is about is the sex of the baby, which really has nothing to do with anything, so forcing gender stereotypes (like colors) on them is dumb.

    Haha sorry, I’m slightly passionate about this.

  • Thanks so much for commenting – – I actually was told my twins were boy/girl twins FOR SURE (99.9%) and had everything pink/blue and then surprise…..two boys. It was quite a shock for me since it was very real in my head for many months and I had always wanted a daughter. Nobody understood.

  • Fuuny post. 🙂 Reading it and the comments have inspired me to start a new business. Apparently my failure to sort laundry colors or use bleach correctly can be put to good use by offering to supply gray gender nuetral clothing for politicaly correct non specific baby gender revelation parties. 🙂

  • Most of parents to be that I know have not wanted to know the sex of their baby until it was born. I couldn’t wait to find out though when I was pregnant. We don’t really have baby showers or gender reveal parties here in the UK…yet!

  • My “reveal” happened in the birthing room … 30 years ago!
    As an NP working in Women’s Health / Obgyn, I always jokingly (seriously) try to get folks to save the reveal for delivery.
    Nope …

  • As you should be! I bought my boys gender neutral dollhouses to role-play with them but it was still sort of funny when they used the kitchen appliances to toss in their basketball hoop. Oh well. Then I gave my daughter a car and she put pink heart stickers all over it. Thanks for commenting on this!

  • Stephanie, I know not of these parties. Thank goodness when I was popping out my laddies we just did baby showers. I hated those!!

    This is getting like a Hallmark thing, anything for another card/party.

    Sometimes I’m glad I’m out of the baby loop and can experience it vicariously through the eyes of my favorite storytellers like you.

    PS I love the term Gender Blender – so many possibilities!! Great post as always, great to see you back on Bluntmoms!! 🙂

  • Stephanie, after I read this, I told my wife about it. Her response was…”Boy… the lengths you’ll go to just to have another baby. The answer is… no!” I think she’s skeptical about the existence of these parties. Sorry Tom, I guess that means we won’t be contributing to your future business anytime soon. But, at least I gave it a try.

  • Ha! Weren’t you also the one who said I should make a template for my idea about creating dating profiles for ex-spouses? Anyhow I think these ideas won’t be stolen too quickly. ;-). Thank you!!

  • Thanks so much for the warm comment, Mary! It really is an “anything for a celebration” mentality, isn’t it? Normally I’d be all for having another party but every time I plan one, my boyfriend says he’ll run out to get ice and then never comes back. 😉

  • Very funny post Steph!! However I need to put you on notice to let you know that I’m pilfering your idea and am printing out the business plan as I write this!! Hugs

  • Truly funny. The colorful drinks is clever. Perhaps a few games like pin the gender on the, well on second thought, perhaps not. Although you could get the entire neighborhood involved by having a scavenger hunt of girl and boy items or just go with the roulette wheel of blue and pink.