Hey Mom

Remember me?  Yep, that’s right it’s your darling daughter.  It’s almost Mother’s Day and despite my best efforts you still cross my mind. It’s only natural I suppose.  Despite your most unmotherly behaviour.

I’m a mother now myself.  Of course you know that.  The day I told you I was expecting marked the end of our hideous relationship. Do you remember that phone call?  I do.  I will never forget it.  Things were rough with us at the time, which was our norm.  But I was newly married and pregnant and for some ridiculous reason thought maybe that news might soften you, might reboot those motherly instincts that I am generously assuming you once had.  Not the case.  That was, without a doubt, the most heart breaking conversation I have ever had with you, or with anyone.  You couldn’t get off the phone fast enough.  That’s nice, well I’m pretty busy to I’ll talk to you later. Great job there mom. We’ve hardly spoken since.

I have a new mom in my life now.  She is generous with her time and affection.  Spending time with her makes me feel good about myself as a mother.  She adores my daughter and my daughter adores her.  In fact my daughter insists that new mom is my mom.  I don’t lie to her, I’ve explained to her that I do have a mom and one day she can meet you.  But she doesn’t really care.  Because she knows what a mom is and understands that new mom treats me the way I treat her.  With love and understanding.

You’ve met my beautiful, incredible daughter once, when she was just a few weeks old, and only because we were both at the same event.  You have no idea what you are missing.  She is amazing.  I, however, know exactly what she is missing.  That’s why I don’t mourn the loss of her not knowing you. You are poison.  I know that’s harsh but we all know it’s true.

In case you’re wondering, I don’t say bad things about you to my daughter.  She doesn’t need to know that a parent can treat her own child that way.  I want her to grow up trusting that her mother (and her father) will always be there for her. Always.  The truth is we rarely talk about you at all. And that makes sense.  You haven’t been part of my life for years and have never been part of her life. Her life is full of people that love her and your absence isn’t really an absence at all.

So, as another Mother’s Day rolls around I will say that I do hope that you are happy, because when you are not happy you hurt the people around you.