I Hate My Great Sexlife

Lynn Morrison
Written by Lynn Morrison

I never thought I’d say this, but I just had a remarkable evening of mind-blowing sex with my husband and I’m not happy about it.

He’s been all over me lately, groping me in the hallway, rubbing suggestively against my backside in the early morning hours. Tonight he grabbed my wrist as I walked past our bedroom, pulled me inside and then shoved me up against the wall. Caught off-guard, I didn’t have a chance against his skillful fingers as they tugged my panties down to my ankles.

When it was all said and done, our sweat-covered bodies lying tangled across the bed, we giggled over the range of grunts and squeals our lovemaking had produced. The he nuzzled my ear and said, “Sorry baby, I don’t know what came over me. I’ve just been crazy for you lately. I must have spring fever.”

And just like that, my good mood plummeted down to rest beside his flaccid penis.

I know why he’s crazy for me right now. It isn’t spring fever. It’s the 8 inches I’ve lost from my hips and waist over the last few weeks, carved out during my new daily exercise routine and a rather dictatorial weight watchers points system.

Despite ten years together, two children, and multiple moves, despite an endless array of events that have broken down our barriers and brought us closer together as a couple, despite all of that, my physical appearance still has the ability to make or break our sex life.

Now we’re having the best sex of our lives and I’m not happy about it. I honestly don’t know whether his affection is rooted in my shrinking waist size and healthier appearance, or in my own newfound confidence and willingness to show myself naked.

I don’t know if I should blame him for being superficial. His mouth says he loves me no matter what I look like, but his erection says otherwise. A few less pounds here, some extra ab definition there and suddenly our condom drawer is running on empty.

Maybe the problem is me. I’m all, “Rah rah, love yourself, body acceptance, blah blah,” in public, but put me behind a set of closed doors and I’m undressing my perceived fat self in the dark depths of my closet. If I don’t love me, how could anyone else?

I have changed shapes through my babies, through weight gain and loss but he hasn’t. He is the always the same, and can’t even begin to grasp what I’m going through. Maybe he is just enjoying getting a new me with each iteration of my dress size.

Now skinnier me is knocking boots near daily, experiencing multiple orgasms and a giant side order of guilt and worry. Either I’m an asshole, or he’s an asshole, and every moan of pleasure is a stark reminder.

About the author

Lynn Morrison

Lynn Morrison

Lynn Morrison is a smart-ass American raising two prim princesses with her obnoxiously skinny Italian husband in Oxford, England. If you've ever hidden pizza boxes at the bottom of the trash or worn maternity pants when not pregnant, chances are you'll like the Nomad Mom Diary. Catch up with her daily on Facebook and Twitter.

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

19 Comments

  • I went through this with my most recent ex. Met her at 170 she’s now 120. But for some reason she always called me out for thinking I only like her now because she’s hot. I had to remind her I loved making love to her even when she was thick and I always found her voluptuous curves hot. Then I’d get berated for missing her ass and tits in the end her own self image ruined it and I broke up with her. You sound like you may do the same if you’re not careful. It takes a lot for a man to show such passion after that amount of time.enjoy it. Dont judge him for it. He’s your husband and he wants you. If you’re hotter these days good for you. The last thing you should do is berate him for enjoying it.

  • I honestly don’t think it’s worth over analysing. Creating a self pity drama where there is no need for one. Enjoy it. Be in the moment. Embrace it just as he in embracing you. You probably would have been bummed if he hadn’t responded to your new, leaner look. Let’s not be women who can’t be happy either way. Having great sex after 10 years of marriage is a blessing – it’s all about how you choose to see it: Glass half full or half empty?

  • You’ve lost weight, feel better about your self, your husband wants you and you had great sex… and you’re miserable???? What am I missing?
    You already said it could be “my own newfound confidence and willingness to show myself naked”.

  • When he says, “I don’t know what came over me, I’ve been crazy for you lately.” Why not try asking him to give some thought into it why he thinks that is (other than “spring fever”) and get back to you. Let him know it’s important to you to have an answer. His answer might surprise you. Until then, while you might know your spouse well, at this moment you seem to have many assumptions that are stressing you out and interfering with your ability to live in the moment. I imagine you’d rather be able to enjoy your hard won efforts and intimacy with the one you love?

  • Really? You hate when you’re having too much sex, you hate when you’re not having enough sex; who are you, Goldilocks? Why not just enjoy the sex? Seriously, way to validate the neuroses of others while you’re at it, too. If I lost a bunch of weight and my girlfriend were more physically attracted to me I’d figure that it was working. Or at the very least, my quest for physical fitness has a cool side effect. Why not chalk it up to the confidence you admit you have developed since you started exercising? Why is it okay for you to get added confidence from losing weight and being healthy but his motives are questioned when he’s more aroused by your healthy figure. But what do I know? Just wondering.

  • I totally understand where you are coming from with that. I’m so sorry you are feeling that way. Thank you for sharing with us. I love your honesty. Having met you in person and having the privilege to work with you, I can say that you are someone who is truly beautiful inside and out. I appreciate your support so much and the opportunity to read your thoughtful words
    Alison recently posted…ICYMI: How I Went From Helicopter Mom To Toboggan MomMy Profile

  • I would enjoy the moment for the moment. If you start analysing his behaviour on that level then you’ll never be able to enjoy yourself. I bet your husband himself doesn’t even know what the change is. It could be the fact that you’ve lost weight, the confidence you’re gaining with it or a million and one other things. Or, perhaps it’s something to do with him?

    When my wife is in a happy mood it reflects on my mood too. Think of each of you like mirrors to each other. One compliments the other. So if you’re feeling sexier, more confident and happier, perhaps he is too? 🙂

  • I can’t stand women like this. If you loved your body prior to losing weight you’d have no need to lake the weight to begin with. You look better and prob feel better.. That confidence and feeling sexy is enough to get a man to notice. Your husband loves you chubby or lean.. Of course if you’re loving your new body he will too. Get over it.

  • Or maybe you’re both assholes. I’m sorry. But I am a divorced woman, living alone, with my sixties closing in. I am a sensual, sexual human being. And I have Psoriasis and heavy thighs and aging skin. And I am looking at the very real possibility that I will never have another night of sex. Never again be touched erotically by someone, never held, or cuddled, no moans of pleasure, not hand on my breast, no nada, nothing, zip, zilch. And I want it. I want it every single day. Sometimes I ache for it. So hey, you’re getting sex? You’re having orgasms? And this BOTHERS you? I don’t know if you’re an asshole, but yeah, you’re something alright.

  • Sorry some of the folks commenting are assholes. You nailed something REALLY important on the head. Thank you. This is huge (societal, patriarchy, shit we women deal with all the fucking time) stuff, and is real and just ‘accepting it’ is BS. Thanks for your brave share.

  • Just shared on my author page and tweeted. Completely on the same page with you here. I have even graphed my weight and our sex life, and even though I suck at math–no denying the correlation on his part! Thank you.