I went to a huge elementary school in Poland, with children’s ages ranged from 7 to 12. Seen through the eyes of a 7 year old, the 12 year old’s looked so grown up, so wise, so… as if they knew what they were doing. I remember thinking that when I was 12 years old, I would have things figured out, too.
And then my 12th birthday came and went and things didn’t work out like I had planned.
I set the new “I will have things figured out” bar at 16. Nothing. Then at 18. Nothing. I was still as clueless as I had ever been. Then, I thought I finally had it figured out. I went to college, took part in a student exchange, met a guy. Moved to Germany with said guy, got pregnant and married the guy (yes, in that particular order). Finally things started making sense, and they continued making sense until I became a mom.
Suddenly I found myself clueless, unsure, and uncertain what to do. It was like I was starting all over again. And just like in the days when I was a child, I looked up to other moms, especially those who had more children than I did. These moms of two, always knowing what to do, always responding in the right way, always reacting correctly. I thought that maybe when I had two children, it would get better?
I became a mom for the second time. I still didn’t know what to do. I still hadn’t figured it out. I was still walking in the dark. I had a few friends who either had three children, or were pregnant with their third child. Of course these friends knew what they were doing. They must have life figured out!
And then last year, I too, became a mom of three. And I don’t know if it is because my eldest went to school and my little girl started walking and they’re now older and can take care of themselves for a change. Or maybe it is because my boy is sweet and awfully cute and very enjoyable.
Long story short, I think I have finally found the ground under my feet. I could still use more sleep but it isn’t as bad as it used to be.
And the funniest part is that now I am the mom others look up to: “How are you doing all this?” “Wow, I can’t imagine how it is to have three”, or “I don’t think I could manage having three kids.”
Suddenly I am that 18 year old everybody aspires to be.
And if you’re thinking the same thing, I’ll let you in on a secret. I don’t have things figured out. Just because I have more children than you doesn’t mean I am more experienced or better or know more about children than you do.
In fact, I don’t always know what to do. I try to take it day by day, minute by minute, just like you. Some days are better, some days are worse. Now moms with four children, they must have life totally figured out, right? When I have four children… oh no wait, never mind, I’ll just stop right here.
{This ‘Best of Blunt Moms’ post was first published in 2014}
