Yesterday I read, contemplated and then responded to this post about circumcision. Although I have never hesitated in offering up my opinion on controversial topics, I try to make sure that it’s clear that it’s JUST my opinion and shouldn’t be interpreted as advice or the internet’s favourite buzzword of late: Shaming.
When it comes to The Great Circumcision Debate, I’ve only ever had one question to ask myself: Why?
In the true spirit of a debate, I will take your arguments, circumcisers, and I will provide my response to these arguments in the most blunt way that I can, because: Blunt Moms!
The Arguments For Circumcision and Why They’re (Mostly) Non-Valid
1. It’s Painless
You know, when you stub your toe and the white hot pain is driving itself through your body and you repeat “it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t hurt!” over and over again to yourself until the pain subsides? This is what the Doctor’s and advocates of circumcision do with uneasy parents. “He won’t feel it! It’s frozen! It’s painless” they say as they strap the babies to the contraption formed to hold them down while the deed is done.
And how do I know this if my children haven’t been cut? Well, my Step-Mother happens to be a nurse who works in a clinic that performs these procedures. It’s her job to strap the babies into these bases and freeze their junk before the knife. She stands beside the Doctor as he makes the incision and she hears the painful cries of the babies as they scream in sheer terror. When the topic of circumcision came up in our household, she as a nurse and a mother, offered up her stories and the stress that this part of her job brings. Even if the procedure itself didn’t hurt the baby, the healing process certainly would.
2. The “Disease” Factor
Although many of the studies that indicate that intact penises are more likely to contract sexually-transmitted diseases and infections have been debunked, a few still remain and they are generally the most prevalent factor in why parents opt to make the cut. Here’s my question:
In a world where we spend years teaching our children, teenagers and adults about the absolutely NECESSITY of protection and contraception, why are we so focused on this issue to begin with? If your son one day comes into contact with someone who carries a disease without protection, is that 1% higher chance of contracting it really going to matter? Or is it MORE important than ever that we ensure our children know the dangers of unprotected sexual contact?
If my intact son and your circumcised son both have sex with the same person, and that person carries an STD or STI, there’s just as likely of a chance that without protection they COULD contract the disease. Shouldn’t our goal as parents both be the same? To ensure that they take every precaution when it comes to sex?
3. Looking Like Dad / The Other Guys In The Locker Room
Um guys, when is the last time you checked out your father’s penis? In fact, can you remember EVER looking at it? If you saw it in passing, were you really stopping to consider the shape, style and length of it, or were you shielding your eyes in terror as you ran out of the room?
This, in my opinion, is one of the most self-serving reasons for making this decision. My goal as a parent is to teach my children that no matter how different people may appear, whether it’s their skin colour, teeth, height, weight or otherwise, that we are all the same inside. My goal is to ensure that when they see someone who appears different than them, that they respect that person for their differences. My goal is to teach my children that outward appearance does not matter nearly as much as who people are on the inside.
My husband is black. I am white. My children are somewhere in between. If at 3 years old I can successfully explain to them how racial diversity works, why would explaining a difference in the shape and form of penises be any different? I truly believe that people are under-estimating their kids’ abilities to process and understand the most basic of insights. People come in all different shapes and sizes, colours and personalities, so why would we expect any different from penises and vaginas?
So why then, when it comes to dicks is it any different? Men spend millions of dollars every year trying to enlarge their penises, make them wider, bigger, harder… do we really need to add to that industry by saying that anyone who is intact is unappealing?
4. I Couldn’t Have Sex With an Uncircumcised Guy!
This is actually an argument. People think that men who aren’t circumcised are gross. Really? REALLY?
Men are gross. End stop.
Why are you willing to come into contact with a penis at all if you’re really that concerned with their cleanliness? I can tell you — from experience — that although they may not appear so, all penises are made equal in how they perform.
What would you say to your son if he said he’d only have sex with women who had large breasts or tight vaginas? I’m pretty sure I’d slap mine upside the head, but that’s just me. And your concern for your son’s future sexual relationships if he remains intact? “I walked away from guys who weren’t circumcised when I was a teenager” — I’m pretty sure when that conversation comes up with my kids, I’m going to tell them the same thing I tell them when it comes to anything regarding relationships with people: Those that matter don’t mind and those that mind don’t matter!
Any person who is willing to get up and walk away from you because your physical appearance doesn’t meet their expectations truly isn’t worth your time.
5. How is my child going to keep their penis clean?
Many people argue that a 4-5-6 year old boy isn’t responsible enough to keep their penis/foreskin clean. Ohkayyy… sure. Like I said, boys are gross, men are gross. It is what it is.
That being said, just like I will teach my son how to clean his ears, teeth and ass, I’ll be teaching him how to pull back his foreskin and clean it. If I can’t have such a frank and basic conversation with him about his personal hygiene, what’s going to happen when he starts masturbating into tube socks?
6. My <insert family member here> had to have it done in adulthood and It’s WAY Worse.
Of course it’s WAY worse, because if they had had their foreskin trimmed when they were babies they wouldn’t remember the pain and recovery involved. Of course they are traumatized from the experience: someone cut a piece of their DICK off. That’s scary shit, man.
If there is some MEDICAL reasoning behind your choice, if shortened foreskins run in your family, if you have a gland that secretes too much bodily fluid of some kind that causes weird penile infections or something, then by all means, nip that shit in the bud. But, you don’t know what the future will hold, do you? I’m sure that experience was terrifying for your Dad/Uncle/Brother/Cousin/Nephew/Grandpa/Friend, but it doesn’t necessarily mean the same thing will happen when your son grows up. My husband suffers from ADHD, it doesn’t mean I’m going to start pumping ritalin into my kids… it just means it’s something I have to be aware of and pay attention to as they grow. Maybe the same goes for your son’s penis.
7. It’s our Religious Custom
Okay you got me there… if your religious doctrine says that you have to cut off the tip of your kid’s penis so that he can one day get into heaven, by all means. Cut away! I mean, it’s not like you break any of the other rules of your religion, right? You follow that doctrine by the book. Good for you!PS: I heard that the Rabbi licks the penis of the baby after it’s cut at the Bris. Is that really true?
And finally… the ONE reason I couldn’t ever cut my son’s penis:
It’s NOT MY Penis.
Beyond the fact that the part of the foreskin that is removed has over 40,000 nerve endings (um hi awesome sex, there you are!) and the fact that many studies and papers have been written on the topic that suggest that not only is it a barbaric custom, but also one that has declined in recent years due to the risks involved, the one thing that ultimately made me shake off the very thought of having the procedure done is the fact that It. Is. Not. My. Penis!!!!
Although I may have suffered through countless hours of labour, up to 10 months of pregnancy and whatever symptoms that may have come with, although I love my child and only want the best for him, I cannot, with certainty, say who or what he will be when he grows up. I cannot know what he wants, because I am not him.
Just like I wouldn’t perform any other kind of aesthetic procedure on my children (barring issues like a cleft palate or major deformities) I can’t make any judgement calls about their penises at this time. Maybe my son will grow to resent me for leaving him intact, but I doubt it. Maybe your son will grow to resent you for removing part of his penis for aesthetics, but I doubt that too. We all adjust and adapt to the hand that we’re dealt, but even as his mother, it’s not my judgement call to make.
Author: Christella Morris
She blogs over at Crawl The Line
Like her Facebook – cause we all like to be liked.
15 Comments
Cogent, true and funny. My MIL didn’t make the cut.
YAY for uncut hubbies! just more penis to tell you have a headache to! 😛
I think I might have a crush on you Christella.
bahaha. feeling = mutual.
do we make out now?
Did you not get the memo? Check your “So now you are a Blunt Mom” initiation package… it says it right in there, we totally make out. There is a whole section on day drinking too.
What? What is this package you speak of? *checks mail*
Wait… just lighting the fuse. Stand By
Oh my god. This is the BOMB. *head explodes*
I do love a good opposing opinion so thanks for responding Christella. Let’s agree to disagree, shall we? I will always consider some one else’s opinion so long as it is informed and compassionate. Bonus points for being funny.
Oh, and hands off Magnolia. She’s MINE.
Welcome to the jungle.
Why thank you @Pamlet!
I’m all for agreeing to disagree. It’s hard being right all of the time. 😉
We’ll have to come to a custody arrangement where Magnolia is concerned. Sister wives style.
Thanks for getting GNR in my head btw. That’s not going to wash out.
Well I suppose having the choice between Pam and Christella eliminates the worry about hooded or clear headed as a penis debate for me.
OMG. Too funny!! While I can’t say that I agree with your position on this, I do think your reasoning is well thought out. Cheers!
“Shielding your eyes in terror as you ran out of the room”. “I’m pretty sure I’d slap mine upside the head, but that’s just me”. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. My husband is circumcised but he had no problem when I said I didn’t want to circumcise our son EVEN THOUGH my father DID have to have it done in adulthood and WAS totally traumatised (family legend has it that my mother, a nurse, was asked if she wanted the remnant as a lampshade). I have spent a little time worrying about the disease thing – I thought the one program I’d seen had said the risk was MUCH higher, and I hadn’t seen anything to the contrary, so thanks for that. And my husband did have the personal hygiene discussion with our son – he called it the ‘pits and nuts’ talk. And I’m GOING TO WRITE MY BLOG POST NOW.
I let my husband be the judge on this one. He was very adamant about not having our little guy cut up! I sure didn’t want my little guy getting cut up the day after he came shooting out and I’m glad he didn’t have to. He is 4 now and has seen his daddy naked and has never mentioned a difference. I was worried about cleanliness but I have full confidence in doctors helping us get that under control. We have only had one issue after he was in a sandbox :/. Luckily he was old enough to talk to me and tell me what was going on.
Yes to all of these reasons, but especially “It’s not my penis!”
Why are people still doing this? (religious reasons are understandable)