Better Relationships with Your Kids With Cell Phones

My nine year old texts me every 5 minutes, sending me innocent selfies with captions like, “look mom, my tongue is green!” Sometimes she calls me from the basement because she’s too busy playing to run upstairs to ask her question and plus, calling is more fun.

We went back and forth about whether to get her a phone at all because what exactly does a nine year old need a smart phone? No one calls her, and surely she’d lose it or break it within weeks of having it. Plus, we don’t want to create an entitled kid or give other parents reasons to think we’re too indulgent. But on the flip side it would be so much easier for us to get in touch with her if we needed to and with the spread of technology today, isn’t a phone inevitable anyway? My favorite reason though: it’ll keep her from wanting to use ours all the time! (No Honey, you cannot look at my camera roll)

What’s the big deal with a kid owning a cell phone? I grew up in an age where we called people on the land line (“what’s that?” my kids ask…) and left a message if we got the answering machine. We weren’t in constant contact with a world bigger than the kids at our school. My parents worked all day and when my sister and I stayed home alone, the only real rule was  that we call for permission before leaving the house or taking medicine otherwise it was no holds barred. Things were simpler then and because of that, I can see where my frame of reference is rooted in those less complicated times. I often cringe when I see babies at restaurants parked in front iPads watching movies as the adults eat. Judgment surfaces around thirteen year olds with open social media profiles and insatiable appetites for Xbox, but I also understand why parents allow that kind of technology; it makes life easier.

I would describe myself as a conscious mom. I wanted simplicity for my girls in their young lives, and so while I was far from perfect or completely consistent, I was committed to certain things. I kept them as low media as possible, I never even told them video games existed and they watched  DVD’s instead of TV so we could bypass all the advertisements for cheap plastic crap aimed at kids. I tried my best to shield them from growing up too fast, but they aren’t babies anymore. And this isn’t 1985.
Does it make sense to continue to limit access to technology at this point?

The answer I’ve arrived at is no. A nine year old with a smart phone isn’t an insane thing. We’re not in the process of spoiling her.  I’ve gotten disapproving comments disguised as interest from other parents; “Ohhh, I see she has her own cell phone already?” Yes she does, but so what? If she didn’t, she would be begging to use my phone which…just, no.

Truthfully, I’m thrilled that for the time being, I’m the one my daughter is texting and calling. I’ve found that it’s opened up a new and touching means of communication for us and I hope that it continues for many years to come. I love getting silly snapchats of her morphed into a deer or a  bear saying funny things in a helium voice, it cracks me up every time. I look forward to seeing her sense of humor develop in that way. As hokey as it sounds, our phones are providing us with a kind of communication platform that my mom and I didn’t have. With so much information flashing in and out of our consciousness these days, disconnect happens easily. True to the kind of awake and aware mom I strive to be, I want the connection.

So at this point in the game I’m diving in willingly, while I can at least provide guidance. So yes, both of my girls will eventually have phones and yes, I will cherish the love-note texts I get from them filled with misspelled words and silly emojis. Instead of asking if I’m doing the right thing here, I’m focusing instead on how I can use this to my advantage. I plan to use this technology (that’s obviously here to stay) to get to know my kids a little better.

About the author: Natha Perkins is a mama, an artist, a writer, and an intuitive life coach. For many years she owned a successful jewelry and lifestyle brand called Luscious Metals (featured in Cosmopolitan, Parenting Magazine and more). Making beautiful adornments out of metal and stones was definitely a dream job, but she decided she wished to be of service in a more meaningful way.   Nowadays, she writes professionally and has been published in Elephant Journal, Scary Mommy, ManifestStation and more. When she isn’t typing away, she’s helping clients from around the world figure out what the hell is really going on in their lives (which is still an art, just of a different kind.) On a daily basis she also finds herself fighting the age old internal battle of whether to fake being perfect or just go ahead and risk exposing her own truths to the world. The struggle is real y’all.     You can find more of her at www.nathaperkins.com  or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/wellbeingengineered/ To learn more or to work with her personally.