24 Things Women UNDER 30 Should Stop Wearing

Anne Radcliffe
Written by Anne Radcliffe

I don’t let my kid tell me what to wear. Why would I bother to take advice from someone who has 5 minutes worth of life experience under their belt? I had this same reaction when I heard that some 20 year old wrote up a list of 24 things women over the age of 30 should stop wearing. She said, and I quote,

“By age 30, women are expected to be a little more mature, and they should dress like it too.”

Oh, honey. When I finally managed to stop laughing and finished getting my kid dressed, I decided turnabout is fair play…

Here’s a list of 24 things women UNDER 30 shouldn’t be caught dead wearing, written by someone with 30+ years of experience.

24. Graphic tees and pants

Source: Amazon

Graphic tees are for conformist kids who ironically think they’re being all sassy and rebellious, but who really are lazy to lift their faces from their phone and notice how conformist they’re being. And let’s talk about those demeaning yoga pants you wear that have things like “JUICY” written on the bum. Text like that calls attention to an asset that may look great now but does nothing to enhance a guy’s appreciation for things that won’t start sagging out of shape in the next decade, like your mind and personality.

23. Bedazzled anything

 

Source: Amazon

Honey, we hate to break it to you, but bedazzling is a horrible trend that started in the 1970s and NOT the early 2000s as you seem to think (we know history isn’t you young un’s strong point). Don’t believe us? Go ask your grandmother. She’s probably wearing a bedazzled top right now because that shiznit is in for the new age of granny; floral pant suits are now out.

Old stuff doesn’t “come back in again.” It never left, and it belongs to us. You aren’t old enough to have an attitude that reflects things like this shirt anyway. Go invent your own fashion trends. 

22. Blue Eyeshadow

Source: Sephora

You’re wearing two inches of black eyeliner right now so you can look like Cleopatra, and you have the nerve to try and say blue eye shadow is done? 

21. Victoria’s Secret PINK

Victoria’s Secret is actually one of my favourite places because (advertising aside) shopping with them is always a powerful, body-positive experience and has been for decades. Here’s a newsflash for you: The Pink stuff by and large is marketed at the YOUNGER than the 20+ demographic. You think grad students wear PINK? You’re too old to be there, too.

20. Leopard Print

Leopard, Males, Forest, Nature

Only a woman older than 30 has the sass to wear something as bold as leopard print and the confidence enough in who they are as a human being to pass it off.

You under-30s have barely begun to figure out your arses from a hole in the ground, and therefore do not have the assurance of their place in life to pull off a bold kitty print like us fine-ass cougars.

19. Sparkly Pants

Source: Polyvore

Sparkly pants are a crime against humanity in general, and nobody should wear them. Even on New Year’s Eve… Even if they’re Elton John. 

18. Oversized Sunglasses

Source: Dhgate.com

The 20-something fetus implied that oversized sunglasses aren’t for the mature. But here’s the thing: when you kids wear them, you look like you’re three years old and stole yo’ momma’s sunglasses. When Betty White wears them, on the other hand, she looks like a mothafreakin queen.

See leopard print and the personality thing. You just ain’t old enough to pull that look off without being laughable. 

(Just because you don’t hear us laughing doesn’t mean we’re not doing it.)

17. Funky and/or Non-matching Socks

Feet, Socks, Person, Floor, Wood, Jeans, Legs

At 19 years old, I was married, living on my own, and had a full time job. I wouldn’t have been caught dead wearing mismatched or funky socks professionally when I was 20, and neither should you.

(Perhaps this is why you’re having trouble finding work, dear).

16. Hoop Earrings

Source: Dhgate.com

Yeah, I used this image again. You know why this image is great? Because it clearly demonstrates that bold items such as oversized glasses and giant hoop earrings are something that young people use to try to look… our age.

Mature. Wise in the way of the world. It’s not a look for kids just out of high school.

15/14. Furry Boots and/or Furry Anything

Source: Ugg

I can’t imagine why anyone would spend money on these; they’re unpractical as heck. I think you made this one about 30+ people wearing these things up, ’cause I can’t even find a photo of a celebrity wearing them. I won’t even deny you the right to wear them.

You wanna look like an idiot wearing oversized lucky rabbit’s feet, go ahead and be my guest.

13. Tube Tops

Source: Lane Bryant

You must be this mature and body confident to pull off a sexy tube top without looking like you tied a garbage bag above your tits and are now trying out for Girls Gone Wild.

Hey look, she’s wearing hoop earrings… 

12. Short Dresses

Woman, Green Dress, Sensual, Short Dress, Erotic, Body

We don’t have to bare all to look sexy? Damn skippy. Girl child, neither do you.

11. Mini-Skirts

Source: H&M

“By this age, women should know it’s always better to leave something to the imagination.” Fine. In fact, I’m of the opinion (and so are many guys) that leaving something to the imagination is actually sexier. So are you going to follow your own advice, chica?

10. Woman Overalls

Source: Amazon

This look wasn’t that great even when I was in high school and Kurt Cobain was trying to make overalls “cool.” It should apply to everyone over the age of 5, not just women 30+.

9. Crop Tops

Source: Stylish Eve

Even if your bod is bangin’, letting your gut hang out is so 1960s. 

8. American Eagle / Trendy jeans

Aren’t you all supposed to be hipsters now? They’re kinda vintage looking. But they’re super trendy, which means it’s too mainstream to be cool. Or is it trendy because they’re not cool? We’re confused. They fit great, however. Maybe you should leave them to us, since we are the ones that can afford them.

7. Booty Shorts

Source: Amazon

You don’t know at what age it is acceptable to let your booty hang out? We don’t either. Apparently Jet Blue doesn’t think it’s appropriate at any age as well. Save them for laundry day and loafing around the house unless you want to be banned from certain public areas and transportation.

6. Old Sneakers

Sneaker, Old, Dirty, Vintage, Broken, Sport, Expired

Putting trashed / vintage sneakers with your $300 trendy jeans is an artlessly contrived fashion statement that clearly states you have no idea who you are or what you want to be; you just do what the fashion and Instagram people tell you is cool. Which makes you uncool to anybody who has their own spine and opinion on things.

5. Cheap Bras

Bra, Two, Togetherness, Breasts, Underwear, Bosom

Boobs of EVERY age deserve a bra that fits correctly.

4. Glitter Eyeshadow

Source: Mac

Let’s be real. Nobody can pull this look off outside of Halloween and New Year’s eve.

3. Platform Flip-Flops

Source: Ali Express

These Franken-flops are an abomination and whoever came up with them should be institutionalized. Nobody actually believes these things make you look taller. They only make you look like a miniature human on ugly stilts.

2. Abercrombie & Fitch

You want to be associated with this mug who ironically brags he doesn’t want fat and ugly people wearing his clothes and then charges you a ridiculous amount of money for a tiny piece of cloth?

1. Scrunchies & Other Hair Ties

Scrunchies, Hair Style, Elastic, Fashion, Accessory

You’re too young to know this yet, but the Scrunchie is the saviour of the mom sanity. This was a genius invention made for women to keep their hair out of  their faces, out of food, and out of the hands of grabby toddlers. It’s the quick-save when you are racing out the door to get your kids to school so you can get workout in before you shower for the day.

You have an hour to blow dry and style your hair every day. Enjoy it. 

This belongs to us.

About the author

Anne Radcliffe

Anne Radcliffe

Anne usually speaks in memes and SAT words, and she frequently attempts to explain the laws of physics and high school chemistry according to the kitchen via her home blog FoodRetro. If you want to know why ice melts or pretzels turn brown, and you want to make food that you never imagined could be made from scratch in the process, she's your blogger. Her friends describe her as "hilarious when you get to know her," but it could be that they are just amused by the way she gets riled up when reading the paper. She can also be found playing the part of community editor and grammar nazi here on BLUNTmoms.

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26 Comments

  • Absolute nonsense. Women should dress according to their personal tastes, lifestyles, shape, colouring and the occasion not their age. This article is about telling women in their 20’s they are either too young or two old to wear anything exciting. So it’s just plain blue jeans and t-shirts then.

  • i can tell the person who wrote this is *really* fun to hang out with. Just because your personal style does not include these items that does not mean you should be BASHING those who do. Have a little fun and get your head out of your repressed little ass.

    • I love this comment, lily.. I’m 26. And just because I have kids and still look good for my age doesn’t mean I have to give up my style just because other people don’t like it right!? I say either she’s a couch potato or she just has a very rotten taste in style..

      • Nobody can tell me what I should wear… unless that’s an illusion comprised of a worldview manipulated by media and culture. Well, guess I’ll stop stressing and just be…

    • Exactly. I’m 32, and had the audacity to wear blue eye shadow with my teal hair, whilst wearing a retro Super Mario t-shirt the other day.

      Let’s stop calling everyone over 30 old (like Rant Chick) and everyone under 30 a foetus. Wear what you want, rock what you want, and screw these bitter internet women.

  • This is such a catty article. Why is it ANY of the author’s business what other people wear? She sounds like she’s under 15, not over 30.

  • Every time I see those furry boots on a person (And I HAVE seen it — a LOT), I hear Chewbacca grumbling about people stealing his friends’ feet. For real, though. And my favorite? When they combine those with the furry jackets. The fake ones, that look just as ugly as the boots. Then I’m REALLY hearing Chewbacca.

    Wait, now I know what I want to do for Halloween! lol

  • Observe: here we see a salty white suburban mom contributing to two harmful cultures through her whiney post. The first is the culture who believes millennials are “fetuses” who don’t know how to how to dress themselves. And honestly, where is your room to talk? You claim you’re about 30 in the post which is only 10 years older than the 20-somethings you’re dragging through the mud, yet you consider yourself SO much wiser than “these children”. *Rolls eyes* yes, I’m sure you’re /such/ a fashionista with your 30+ years of experience.

    The second is the culture who thinks it’s their business what girls wear. News flash: GIRLS AND WOMEN ARE ALLOWED TO WEAR WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY WANT! I know it’s hard for you to wrap your wizened 30+ year-old brain around, but neither you, nor anyone else, is allowed to tell anyone how to dress. If 16 year-old girls want to wear platform flipflops because it makes them feel good it’s none of your goddamn business. If 20 year olds want to wear yoga pants with “PINK” written on the butt that’s their choice, not yours. Just because your ass has sagged since you were 20 doesn’t mean theirs will, and still, who cares? Posts like these are exactly why girls are conscious about the way they look, and why everyone else thinks they have the right to tell them how to dress.

    • I’m 34, born in 1984 and millenials start at 1980. So if this is a crack at millennials that is weird. But I agree, this is a salty af article and while I understand that the “what not to wear over 30” articles are an outdated idea, there is some class in most of those articles, this had none. Whatsoever. Commenters are saying this was just sarcasm and dry wit, it was extremely sarcastic but had very little wit. I felt embarrassed for my age bracket reading it. Someone with wisdom wouldn’t be this condescending and angry over an article they don’t agree with. Neither would someone with confidence.

      That being said, women being told what to wear at a certain age is an outdated idea. Of course you do want to dress a certain way in order to look professional at work, to fit in with your peers, and to flatter your body type. But all of that is important to a person at any age, and everyone’s body types, careers and peers are different. So those articles are just coming from and being sold to a very specific audience, so I simply just see them as irrelevant.

  • To everyone up in arms, I didn’t take this even a little as her being serious about what she’s critiquing. She literally is saying it’s ridiculous that all these teeny bopper and twenty something bloggers think it’s okay to write articles about how women over 30 shouldn’t be wearing x or y. And that does get old. Stop pretending to know what other people should wear. They should wear what they want, when they want. I understood this to be heavily laced with sarcasm and a dry wit, and it was simply a response to yet another bullshit article about what others shouldn’t wear.

  • Assuming the younger population is stupid “we know history isn’t you young un’s strong point” is very naive of you, weird considering you’re in your 30’s. The article you are counteracting to clearly hit some soft parts, and in a heated moment you now insulted a lot of people. Way to go Anne, way to go.

  • This article was made to poke fun at the original article. Wth commenters where is your sense of humor?
    I found myself laughing. This is obviously for fun and I quite enjoyed it.
    If it’s over some of your heads too bad for you.

  • Good lord people! This is a fun, over morning coffee, laugh with your partner about it, article in response to someone who wrote an article saying what woman of 30 plus years should and should not wear. Why anyone would get their feathers ruffled over reading this is beyond me and maybe goes to show why ages 30 plus are so very different than 20 plus. Yes, ten years makes a big difference. The maturity levels are usually higher by age 30 plus. Woman should be able to wear whatever makes them happy. I always say to each there own as I’ve seen a great many different styles on a huge variety of people. Not always something I would approve of or something I would wear and sometimes I think that the outfit doesn’t fit the person in any way, shape or form, but that doesn’t matter because each woman’s opinion of themselves is all that matters. In sometimes I’m actually impressed. It takes a lot of self confidence to wear some of the outfits I have seen on some of the bodies I have seen. I think the older you get the more you really don’t care what others think. Especially about what a woman wears. I think woman dress more to impress each other than anyone else! Younger people are forever going to be telling older woman what they should and shouldn’t wear because at that age women tend to act like they know it all, when in reality it will all change as their perspectives changes the older they get. Five years ago my friend bff would not have agreed. She was only 30. Years later and she is starting to understand. Girls should be restricted on what they wear. I won’t let my teen , who will be a legal adult in just four short years, (another ridiculous law that irks me to no end as an adult can’t be a teen too!), to wear what I call crotch huggers like the ones Wally World (Walmart) is selling. I’m talking a literal inch and a half of material covering up a young girls “Temple”. Target was selling clothes for kids that I considered too short and I stopped going their for almost ten years. Those kind of clothes promotes sexual encounters that their young minds aren’t ready for. Just like crop tops. No girl should be walking around in clothes like that simply because it’s too dangerous, not because of anyone’s opinions. Girls must be allowed to express themselves with their clothes and looks at this age but only within reason. Girls are too immature to keep a level head in the face of danger too often to just assume that they will be safe. There are always exceptions so please don’t get the feathers ruffled! Let’s all agree to disagree! It’s that easy. No need for harsh words or it might be called hate speech and that will drag you into another much bigger problem then this little one about clothes.

  • Who {….} are you or anyone else to decide or not to decide what woman under or above 30 should wear… They will decide for themselves what to wear thank you very much and now find yourself a decent job Anne Radcliffe

  • Chill out, people! I’m 31 years old and got a couple laughs out of this. It’s a response to an article that was written a year or two ago, and it’s obviously satirical.

  • I think much of the current ugly trends is a direct effect of today’s poor quality cotton fabrics. Especially in the last decade, good quality cotton has become a luxury. I was a 1980’s teenager and I miss the old-school soft cotton clothes. Today’s cotton is overproduced, genetically modified and sprayed with pesticides. The textile industry has been over-run with man made fibers. (so gross) I feel for the younger generations that have no idea what great cotton feels like. It’s my guess, they wear skimpy clothes partly because today’s fabrics feel so toxic on the skin…….as in “get this itchy poly-rag off of me!”
    Oh, by the way, 1980’s fashion was ugly too, but at least the fabrics didn’t make my skin crawl!

  • I Googled what mom’s wear because I’m young (24) and just became a mom of a beautiful boy. I came here looking for HELP because I feel as though all of my clothes are just not what I (as a mom) should be wearing yet all you did was bash younger women. This article is very distasteful and obviously written from a place of jealousy. Put the claws away cruela, you didn’t have to take your insecurities out on ALL young women just because someone wrote an article. All you did was make me feel bad about my body and myself

  • This was meant to be funny. Its apparent some age groups (women under 30) can dish it out but can’t take it. Don’t like people telling you how to dress do you? Remember it goes both ways. It’s none of your business how 30+ dress. Some of the things that of what we should throw out by age 30 is ridiculous. Such as shorts that hit mid thigh, scrunchies etc. As long as they don’t wear a crop top at 40, I don’t see anything wrong with it. Conclusion, some things I gave up, others I didn’t and women under 30 don’t have enough world experience under their belt to be telling older women how to dress, worry about yourselves.

  • What is up with women using terms like sweetie, honey, child, etc. when they’re in disagreement with another woman. It’s like they’re trying way too hard to sound condescending, but can’t come up with anything better or at least original. It’s like when people use LOL in an argument, to attempt to create the illusion of not caring, of thinking that what the person wrote is just sooooo stupid that they’re getting a kick out of it. Perhaps the first time it was used it may have worked, but now…it’s just very transparent & makes it obvious that you’re mad. And for the record, I’m not a 20something, I’ve been over 30 for some time (guessing the author & I are similar in age based on her Kurt Cobain comment), & I cannot believe the author would possibly care & be bothered this much about what a 20 year old thinks about what women our age wear(and trust me, she does care, was mad, & likely wasn’t laughing about it. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t have written this).

  • I saw the article you’re parodying and I was so mad because I’m 35.5 and I wear whatever the heck I want. But now i’m pretty surprised that somebody thinks that your article is the serious one. Oh, the internet… :p