100 Days of Trump and Mewling Infants are the Same

Written by Anne Sawan

Based on recent media reports, Donald Trump’s first 100 days in office has not been all sunshine and roses. I know, shocking, right? While reading various news reports on this event I couldn’t help but see the similarities between the President’s first 100 days and my first 100 days of being a new parent: the fear, the exhaustion, the turmoil. I remember it all too well. But somehow with a lot of love and support, I muddled through, learning a few things and adjusting my expectations so, in spite of my ignorance, my children seem to have turned out fairly normal. Let’s hope the same for our country. With that in mind, here are five parallels between Donald Trump’s first 100 Days in Office and the first 100 days of being a new mother.

 1) You quickly realize you have no fucking idea what you are doing. Ok, this wasn’t actually in any news report I read, but come-on we all know, just like every new mom, he’s thinking this right now.
2) You mourn your old life. At his 100 days press conference Mr. Trump made the comment, “I loved my old life. I had so many things going on.” Yes, Donald, I hear you. Before having a baby I had it all goin’ on too. Life was all about me back then. Me. Me. Me. It’s a big adjustment to let go of all that and to realize that others are relying on you. Although some of your new daily routines are not as exciting or as glamorous as the ones in your previous life, they are actually yugely important in terms of somebody else’s survival and success. This shift in learning to think beyond your own needs and desires may take some time…but hopefully not too long.
3) Things are hard right now. Really hard. You didn’t realize how hard this new life was going to be. According to the media, Mr. Trump commented, “This is more work than my previous life. I thought it would be easier.” Welcome, Mr. President to “100 Days of Karma’s a bitch.”  Remember back before you ruled the free world when you naively thought, “What the hell is wrong with Barack? When I’m president I’m not taking any shit. Everybody will do what I say when I say.” LOL. Cute. Remember Moms, when we all thought the same thing?
4) You lash out at your critics.
During his 100 days in office, Mr. Trump has lashed out at his critics and the media, refusing even to attend the White House Press dinner.  Hmmm, why does this all sounds vaguely familiar?
“Please tell me, you didn’t criticize my diaper changing technique? I have been doing nothing for weeks but changing diapers. Matter of fact, I think I may have changed a million diapers just today. Yuge diapers. I do not need to be told how to properly fasten a diaper.”
5) “I think, we’ve done more than perhaps any other president in the first 100 days.” Oh, Donald. Sweet, dear, Donald. That blissful, premature feeling of accomplishment. That 100-day high. That, “We made it! Look at us!  We are actually out of the house. The baby is even smiling. Look…wait, what is that? Is that actual crap leaking out of her diaper? In the middle of the restaurant? All over my new shirt? Is it on the table? Maybe you could teach me that thing you know about diapers…”
100 days. Brace yourself, Mr. President. There is a lot more shit to come.

About the author

Anne Sawan

Mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, writer, runner, psychologist. Reluctant dog-cat-rabbit-chicken-fish owner. Believes in the power of the sun, love, and tequila. Anne's writing has appeared on Bluntmoms, Scary Mommy, Ten to Twenty, Brain-Child, Adoptive Families and Adoption Today. Her first picture book, "What Can Your Grandma Do?" is now available.

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