I was that kid with hair so long I’d have to brush it to the side before sitting down lest I strain my neck when the weight of my body yanked my head back. It used to take me half an hour to dry my hair, only to pull it back in a ponytail because otherwise it enveloped my entire torso and I ended up looking like Cousin It. Without fully appreciating it, my hair had become my identity.
Recently I decided I needed a change. I was tired of my kids pulling my hair, finding long strands in our food, clogging the shower drain, and brushing it constantly. I was a low maintenance girl with high maintenance hair. So, in a fit of frustration, I chopped it all off.
Obviously my friends and family were surprised, and I suspect a little disappointed, even though they were too polite to admit it. Here’s how I know:
10 Ways People Tell You They Hate Your Hair Cut Without Having to Say It
- Your husband shows a sudden interest in role-playing wherein you wear a wig. Every time.
- Your three year old asks to play hide and seek, then never comes to find you. Olly olly oxen free.
- The baby thinks you look like daddy, and since daddy has no milk, he’s over you.
- Your cat pounces on your head in the middle of the night because he thinks a rodent has crawled onto your pillow.
- Your mom stares at you, surprised, and then says “hey, I never noticed how lopsided your ears were before.” Thanks, Mom.
- Your siblings start buying you festive hats for every possible holiday. The Santa Hat was fine, but I draw the line at the Uncle Sam 4th of July top hat. I want YOU…to cut that out!
- Your mother-in-law says only “Wow. That was brave,” and then never mentions anything about it again. Subtle.
- Your colleagues ask you to write an article about your new hair cut, because obviously THAT would be hilarious. Maybe they were right.
- Strangers start hitting on you in the grocery store…but they’re women! Still the highlight of my week.
- Your therapist looks concerned and asks you to schedule an extra appointment that week. It’s not a nervous breakdown kind of haircut, I swear!
So maybe the pixie hair cut isn’t for me. It has cut valuable time off my morning routine and brought up several questions about what my husband could possibly be doing in the shower for 20 minutes every morning. It has also taught me that my friends and family love me so much that they are willing to lie (badly!) to spare my feelings.
Don’t worry guys, it will grow back.