Want to Be a Sex God? Buy Some Batteries

Written by BLUNTmoms

I have news for you, men. Everything you know about sex is wrong.

Just in case you haven’t figured out.

It takes longer than 30 seconds to get us in the mood. Didn’t you see those statistics? Only 29% of women polled have an orgasm every time. Somewhere, 71% of women are reaching for their toys. How many of you are even part of that action?

If you’re anti-toy, you just haven’t yet figured out how much easier it makes your life. True story: the first sex toy was invented by a lazy doctor who thought servicing women was tedious. That tells you pretty much all you need to know.

It makes everyone happier. You have to spend less time priming the ol’ engine. We have to spend less time on our backs pretending we’re having a good time. Win-win.

This isn’t about you or your, um, attributes. You just can’t physically duplicate the motion of this ocean… if you know what I’m sayin’. Quit fighting it and go with the flow. Make it enhance your repertoire. Shazam, baby.

Haven’t you heard about dudes that dropped $5k on a Sybian? They have conga lines of women who want to be their friends. I have told my husband this. He is intrigued by the possibilities of conga lines of horny women, but he is just too darn cheap to drop a vacation’s worth of cash on a a vibrator the size of an anvil.

We will see if he changes his mind during his midlife crisis. In the meantime… I’m investing my retirement funds in a good battery company.

About the author



An amazing collection of bright women who somehow manage to work, play, parent and survive and write blog posts all at the same time. We are the BLUNTmoms, always honest, always direct and surprising hilarious.

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge