I know why they call it a Wonder Bra now. Once you need to wear this padded, lifting, pinching invention of deception you will be wondering where your real boobs went. Let’s just say when I unlatch these two toss cushions from my chest what boobs I do have hit the floor along with them. 

 My body lays testimony to the fact that children will literally suck the life out of you. Or out of me…I didn’t have much to spare in the first place.

 I heard this could happen. I also heard some lesser-endowed women actually keep some of their post pregnancy curves. I was optimistic I would be the latter.

Before pregnancy and nursing I went from seeing a nice handful that was easily upgraded to fraudulent cleavage with the help of some adhesive and plastic things that looked liked chicken cutlets.  Now I look in the mirror and see something similar to the saggy mottled skin on my 86-year-old Grandpa’s elbows.

 I used to get by wearing outfits and not looking like a boy with pretty hair. Now I slap on some extra mascara and sigh at the gap between my body and flapping fabric that has nothing to hug. Two hollow shells of lies that my kids think are pockets for their spare toys and uneaten snacks.

So I’ve decided I’ll see what happens after the next baby, and probably the last baby. And if it looks like my boobs are concaving back into my body then I will pull an X-tina and get those bad boys taken care of while they are still under warranty of milk-inflation. Seems like the smoothest transition.

 And then maybe I’ll wear a bathing suit again. Maybe I’ll love shopping and wearing clothes that make me feel womanly. Maybe I’ll let my husband enjoy the full frontal days of yore. And when I whisper to him that we can turn the lights on he won’t innocently flick my nipple mistaking my boobs for light switches. 

Author

Her friends know her has their nerdy girlfriend who gets day drunk at ladies' lunches. Shawna gave up her career to be a stay at home mom to three kids under four. She is online sharing the questions she is asking around simple living, simple style and simple health. Candid about marriage ish, momfails and God's grace.

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