I was thinking to myself, “Self, do you like Ham?”.  Not because that’s the kind of thing that I normally think about but because apparently us Blunties aren’t always a happy bunch.

I mean with vagsteamer sessions being all booked up for the next month, and Darren Criss having a girlfriend, there are not a lot of puppies and rainbows around here.

Having said that, it was suggested to me that perhaps I would like to write about happy things such as the leaves falling and the smell of wood burning fireplace.

Pardon?

Obviously none of you live in my house where the wafts of skidmarks in my kids’ underwear and the rotting compost on the counter are the only “eau de je ne sais pas” in this household.

Or even better, write about a quiet house, baked apples and the turning of the seasons.

Vomit.

Seriously, around here, it’s quiet when all you can hear is the cat puking.

To be fair, it’s not like I was asked to give up my left kidney. Which, given the fact that this post was supposed to be happy, might actually be easier for me to do.

I mean, all they asked for was if I could “possibly share a ray of happiness”.

Sorry but I’m fresh out of sunshine, although I have a couple of unicorns.

As for Ham, I fucking hate it.

How’s that for happy?

Author

My name isn't really Samantha but I always wished it was. It has a nice ring to it don't you think. Better than Francine. Oops.

4 Comments

  1. I love this. I love that other people are real. I wish that my neighbor was real, because when she walks past and looks in my window and sees my trashed house she makes “that face” that says, wow- you suck at this. And when she hears me yelling at my kids she looks thru her shades with “that face”.

    So I got heavier blinds for my windows, and soundproofing for the walls. Ha. Take that. Clearly she isn’t real.

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