Parenting experts advise us to leave the party while the child is still having fun. If we wait too long, there will be tantrums and meltdowns and screams. If we leave on time, our departure  will happen calmly and peacefully, without the unnecessary drama.

Some people would argue that this is good advice for leaving this world.

There is a recent story of a young woman called Brittany Maynard. She is 29 years old, and plans to take her own life on November 1st. She has chosen this day willingly to be able to celebrate her husband’s birthday on October 30th and then she’ll take end-of-life medication and die.

If you’re wondering why this is the case, Brittany has brain cancer, the terminal kind. She has mere months to live. And instead of waiting until her time comes, Brittany wants to take matters into her own hands and chose the day and the way she will die.

Her decision has sparked a public discussion, where many people are defending her choice. On the other side of the debate are the Christian bloggers who criticize her.

“In your choosing your own death, you are robbing those that love you with such tenderness, the opportunity of meeting you in your last moments and extending you love in your last breaths.”, says this one.

“She’s right she is not acting suicidal. She is acting scared. Hopeless. Lost. My heart aches for her and others out there that feel they too need to end their life early in order to maintain the perception of dignity”- writes another.

And then comes the usual critique of any discussion on assisted suicide: that God is the one to choose the day we will die, not us. That we should leave things like births and death to nature. That deciding the way we want to die is not dying with dignity. That death is natural and we should accept it, and not be afraid.

I wholeheartedly disagree. We should be very, very afraid of death. If we’re not afraid of death, then life means nothing. If we’re not afraid of death, we grow so used to it that it no longer moves us and becomes normal. We desensitize and can get used to anything. But should we?

I see no point in suffering. No point whatsoever. If we can help someone alleviate their pain, we should. Religious people feel they can rely on the hope of a better life after death but as an atheist I won’t have this comfort. If my life is over, it’s over. For me, there is no heaven, no paradise, nothing. The only life I have is this one on Earth and I should use it to my best of abilities.

But when my time comes, I hope I will have the strength to do what Brittany plans to do: to leave while it’s still fun. No drama, no pain, no suffering. No disintegration, just a calm farewell, like going to sleep maybe.

Dying with dignity is not about dying a certain way. It’s about being able to choose the way you die, whether it’s “the natural way”, surrounded by family or in a hospital or attached to machines and full of sedatives. Or, being able to decide that you want to pick the day of your death.

Brittany may be scared, but she’s certainly not a coward: it’s very brave to want to know when you’re going to die. It’s brave to think about death even if you do not want to die. And it’s brave to make the decisions that Brittany made: to not only rest in peace, but to go in peace, too. 

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An amazing collection of bright women who somehow manage to work, play, parent and survive and write blog posts all at the same time. We are the BLUNTmoms, always honest, always direct and surprising hilarious.

1 Comment

  1. I notice the woman whose article you linked to does not have any place for comments. She gets to decide what is “right” with regard to Brittany Maynard, yet no one can have the opportunity to tell her she’s “wrong”. Brittany is told that this woman’s opinion is the truth. Says who? It may be her truth and I’m glad that she is at peace with it. Do not deign to decide anyone else’s truth.

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