Tale of a Hunter’s Wife: Free Meat My Ass

Wannabee BLUNT
Written by Wannabee BLUNT

People have been hunting since the dawn of time to provide essential sustenance us humans. Picture a loincloth clad, sweaty, dirty, muscular man with untamed hair and piercing eyes breathing heavy from the hunt and subsequently hauling the kill back to the cave… OK got off topic there… but you get what I’m getting at. Hunting is not new.

What is new is that hunting is no longer essential. Nowadays that muscular, raw specimen of a man is wearing dad jeans and can follow a shopping list sent to him via text. Hunting had evolved into an elective hobby.

My husband is obsessed with every aspect of hunting. He’s also good at it, which is quite the positive reinforcement. He takes in the rewards every season, along with the accolades from other members of our (admittedly hick) community.

To many, my husband included, this hobby is justified as “free meat.” Providing the family with free, all natural, unprocessed meat sounds really great in theory, but it’s all bullshit. I have no issue with the process itself as long as it is done correctly. My issue is with the idea that hunting provides any form of “free.”

Free my ass. Guns, bullets, bows, arrows, tree stands, blinds, trail cameras, camouflage, boots, gloves, scent destroying soaps, deer piss (seriously), mineral blocks, food plots, calls, decoys, not to mention having the meat butchered and made freezer ready. These things cost thousands of dollars. For shit’s sake there are multiple superstores specifically designed to sell every gadget to those who decide to hunt. Considering the previously discussed loincloth clad Adonis used rocks and sticks to accomplish the same task… the financial aspect of the hunt seems that much more ridiculous.

Let’s not forget the amount of time this “free meat” takes to get. My husband saves his vacation time for hunting. Not Punta Cana. Hunting.

He spends days the woods. While he’s sitting on his ass with a bow or gun, I am stuck running the show. Kids, animals, house, cooking, all on me. I consider myself to be one top dollar bitch. My time is worth serious money. I am not compensated for my contribution to the time-suck that is the hunt. I am unable to utilize what little precious free time I have because my plate gets dumped on every November. Hunting season is a season of extra crap work for me.

There is no such thing as free meat. The whole concept is flawed from the start. Unless you don a loincloth and carry a big stick, you’re full of shit. At this point in my marriage, both my husband and I have come to accept that he is very lucky I love him. But he knows that when I wish him “good luck” I’m really saying, “You better get one this time, because I’m done with this shit.”

 

 

Kira Gilbertson is generally awkward, uses too much dry shampoo, and is likely to avoid eye contact with you at the grocery store. As a wife, mom, nurse, and farm lady it is likely that she is sporting some bodily fluids that are not hers at any given moment. Kira has been farting around with the whole writing thing for a few years. Check out her work at http://tirednotdead.com under the pen-name Rnplusmommy and on all those social media sites at https://www.facebook.com/tirednotdead/https://www.instagram.com/tirednotdead/ , and https://twitter.com/imtirednotdead 

 

About the author

Wannabee BLUNT

Wannabee BLUNT

Wannabe's are Guest Authors to BLUNTmoms. They might be one-hit wonders, or share a variety of posts with us. They "may" share their names with you, or they might write as "anonymous" but either way, they are sharing their stories and their opinions on our site, and for that we are grateful.

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