I am happily divorced.
I have two, well-adjusted teen-aged boys. A kick-ass ex-husband and I’m in a fantastic two-year relationship with a wonderful, loving man.
And with all that said, I just wrote a book called, Woulda.Coulda.Shoulda: A Divorce Coach’s Guide to Staying Married and I’m taking a whole lot of heat from people everywhere.
I know, you’re probably asking the same thing! Why in the world would a “happily divorced” woman write a book filled with regret and guilt? Telling her tales of woe and despair… trying to convince those contemplating divorce or already separated and going through the process to slow down and think twice about taking the leap?
Telling them To STAY MARRIED?
Well, because divorce sucks, people! Any way you slice it.
And I have the balls to say it.
Annnnddd… because perhaps if I had a book such as this back when I was on the fence… I wouldn’t have pulled the plug at all. Hence the title, Woulda. Coulda. Shoulda…
And see, I didn’t write this book for the faint of heart, I wrote it for married people that are contemplating getting divorced, and need to hear the truth. Think that’s easy to do, or hear? Nah. But it’s necessary and I felt compelled to do it. I thought long and hard about putting myself out there and taking a bullet… because trust me, I will. Oh, I already am. I’m hearing loads of shit about how I’m being hypocritical of my “brand” (I am a divorce coach and podcast host) and unsupportive of the “divorced tribe of women” out there.
Come on, ask yourself this…
If I had a “Secret Sauce” to an everlasting and successful marriage would you want it? Well of course! And I’ve got it, Y’all. I do. I can tell you exactly what to do differently in your marriages because I’ve been there; I know what works and what doesn’t. I can help save your relationships before you become a “woulda, coulda, shoulda.” I only wish I had my book when I was going through my divorce; honest advice from a woman with the chutzpah to give it. Not some sugar-coated crap from a divorced friend who wanted a little company on the dark side, or a married family member who “thought” they were saying the right thing. Or a therapist who was taking my money, or an attorney charging by the hour.
Shit, I needed the truth.
I needed to hear someone tell me to stay and do the work.
And I am not advocating that anyone stay in an emotionally or physically abusive marriage. If that is the case, this book is not for you… get out and fast. But I am pro-marriage; relationships take work… people take work. Do all you can before you throw your best friend away for the “greener grass” because trust me, it’s not as green as you think.
By being honest about what divorce truly looks like am I hurting anyone, or helping them? The latter, I hope. I would actually love to save a few hundred marriages! I am crossing my fingers that even one woman (or man) will read Woulda. Coulda. Shoulda. and rip up those divorce papers. Look, I am not saying divorce isn’t the right move for some; in fact, it was the right move (I thought at the time) for me. But if I knew then what I knew right now… well, anyway. Read the book…
But if divorce is inevitable… and for many it is! You have to do it right, be respectful and amicable. Kind and accessible if there are children involved.
So, here’s where I stand: I’m a divorce coach that is pro-marriage and I believe that if you can stay married and do the work, then do it. But… if divorce is a must, then it is possible to do it amicably and respectfully. Make sense?
Perfect. Now, if you have your own opinions on marriage and divorce… awesome! Write a book, or better yet… comment here. I expect there will be controversy and I’m ready! I love to talk about it all…
Because helping people (and talking, ha) is kinda my jam.