Not really… but he thinks it is a very real possibility.

I don’t even know if they have military boarding schools for 12 year olds. If they do, I may need to find one and start the paperwork. 

As parents, we all hit the wall with our kids… often… we are ploughed under regularly. You think it won’t happen to you, but it does. You talk and cajole and bargain and threaten… to little effect. When your kid is a donkey with an agenda, even the best of parents have their spines ripped out an handed to them. 

I truly thought we would be at this stage only when one of mine hit their teens. Not so. By the time my boy made it all the way to age 12 without being traded in for a less challenging model, he ramped it up even harder. He is “that child.”  The level of stubborn, un-cooperativeness has been there since his early days. Every single item, chore, obligation or expectation had to be negotiated all along the line, from homework, to bed time, even the consistency of yogurt in his lunch was a point of contention. 

Picture the scene of a hapless farmer trying to push and pull an ornery pack mule up a hillside. That is our life. We are not wimpy parents either; we’re totally on the ball and delivering consistent rules rewards and punishments. We have one shining example of that in the other kid, so maybe we just got more than we bargained for in the younger one. 

There comes a time when you have to pull out the heavy artillery. In our plan, we have a sit down meeting with “Captain Contrary” and lay it out for him. It resembles a formal summit at the dining room table. Picture Dad looking stern and Mom with a file full of official looking papers at the ready.

We inform the boy that we are done trying to get him to do the basics. We have had enough of the backtalk and bargaining, the shifting of workload and the overall neglect and the constant forgetting of important tasks. We say “we have looked into schools where they teach all that stuff, and students learn to do it in a scratchy wool uniform.” In addition to academics and gruelling phys-ed classes, he would learn valuable life skills such as scrubbing toilets with toothbrushes or sweeping a two-acres marching plaza with a paint brush. They have a great program to keep kids connected with family… meaning they let them come home at Christmas and in the Summer. 

When I fantasize about this threat conversation that we haven’t actually had, his reaction is instant and full of regret and apology. He understands and changes his ways. He doesn’t feel unloved and traumatized by the thought of being voted off the island; instead he becomes easier to handle. The impenetrable callous of resistance on his forehead heals, and turns back to pink malleable skin. 

Instead, with a big sigh and some liquid courage, we take comfort in the fact that the world won’t be able to push him around. He certainly isn’t a follower. It’s supposed to be hard to raise children to stand on their own feet more solidly. Right?

Am I right? Please tell me that is how it works?

Author

Our Editor-in-Chief Magnolia Ripkin is sort of like your mouthy Aunt who drinks too much and tells you how to run your life, except funny... well mostly funny... like a cold glass of water in the face. She writes a flagrantly offensive blog at Magnolia Ripkin Advice Blog answering pressing questions about business, personal development, parenting, heck even the bedroom isn't safe. She is the Editor in Chief at BluntMoms. Other places to find her: Huffington Post, The Mighty and Modern Loss. You can also check her out in two amazing compendiums of bloggers who are published in “I Just Want To Be Alone.” And most recently, Martinis and Motherhood, Tales of Wonder, Woe and WTF

2 Comments

  1. I’m having this problem with my Lucas right now, who just turned 8. He is combative in all things; always with an argument no matter now trifling the subject. We have reached a point where I don’t know what else to take away. He’s going to be sitting in a bare room with no furniture, staring at the wall.

    • I hear you, finding the right leash to yank is tricky. When they love nothing enough to behave for it, the game changes. I feel for you.

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