Rogue Moms Unite!

Wannabee BLUNT
Written by Wannabee BLUNT

As a new mother, I gave up Stephen King and New Yorker cartoons and filled the minutes before bed with “how to raise a perfect child” literature. By the time my kids were toddlers, I had acquired enough information to usher them into middle age.

Now, a decade later, I am a Rogue Mom.

I think Minecraft is cool and Fortnight is even cooler. I’m all for abusing phones before homework and for study breaks. (I once even let my 13-yr-old eat dinner in his room because his video game guy was dehydrated, and his friend’s avatar was trying desperately to reach him with a canteen.)

I use ultra-violent rhetoric as a form of communication. “Brush your teeth or I will punch you in the gullet” ; “Stop poking the dog or mom will beat you bloody.” And, if my teen or tween says, “How ‘bout you bring out the trash yourself?”—I might say a variation of “How ‘bout I hit you in the face with a frying pan?” (They can threaten to do me bodily harm too—the more creative the threat the better!)

I maintain that ding-dong-ditch is a victimless crime and even quietly snigger when the grouchy witch down the street (the one who calls the cops on ”suspicious-looking” kids) becomes a primary target. In my mind, juveniles scattering from the crime scene at 1000 mph is legitimate exercise, and vigilante justice just makes good sense at times.

I think “turn other cheek” is for wussies. I am a “if-that-kid-punched-you-then-punch-him-back” kind of mom. Once the first blow lands it’s self-defense—and use your tae kwon do if you need to. That’s why we invested in a martial arts’ education instead of piano lessons.

I embarrass my kids in front of their peers—IF they forget that respecting your mother is not optional. A salty freshman who chooses to tell the rest of the carpool that his mom is a housewife, “who sits around and does nothing all day…”? I might choose to pull up to the varsity soccer team, let him out, and yell, “Joey-boy, mama loves you and sends you smooches!” Public humiliation is the most effective smackdown I know.

I won’t make my kids eat okra and a microwaved potpie is an acceptable dinner. I let them negotiate the snow barefoot and have marshmallow wars in the front yard. I’m okay with them smashing stuff with hammers, I sometimes overlook swearing, and I allow movies with inappropriate amounts of gore and air-borne intestines. I think every kid should have a pocket knife and some firecrackers in their arsenal.

I used to care what other parents thought of my *non-traditional* parenting methods. Now, I only care about raising resilient, interesting, and decent human beings who know I adore them.

Yes, I am a Rogue Mom. And, be aware, I’m not the only one.

 

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Bio

Susie B. Cross is a high school teacher, on sabbatical since 2006. She is a mom who is always trying to “figure it out,” who makes plenty of mistakes, and who says sorry to her 2 sons pretty much once a day.  She does not really understand social media, but you can find more of her writing (topics like mental health, parenting, and a smidge of politics) under Susie Bonzo at https://m.facebook.com/susie.bonzo?tsid=0.02644151746690382&source=result

 

About the author

Wannabee BLUNT

Wannabee BLUNT

Wannabe's are Guest Authors to BLUNTmoms. They might be one-hit wonders, or share a variety of posts with us. They "may" share their names with you, or they might write as "anonymous" but either way, they are sharing their stories and their opinions on our site, and for that we are grateful.

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