Gerber Ferber Shmerber. I’ve had it up to here with the experts. Whoever made the joke that “children don’t come with instructions” obviously didn’t live in the Google generation.
It’s 10 p.m. and at this very moment I am washing crib bedding and a needle point rug. Why?
Well, let me take you back in time…approximately an hour ago.
I fed Ben his bottle and rocked him to sleep. I placed him in the crib and watched him snuggle up to his blanket like the tiny cherub that he is. I smiled, kissed his forehead, and beelined to the couch with my ice water.
Aaaah. Alone time.
My butt hadn’t warmed a cushion before my son was crying.
I found him running around the crib bouncing off the sides like a pinball, his blanket trailing behind him and tears streaming down his face.
So I held him and whispered that the sky wasn’t falling. And rocked him again. And he was a sleeping cherub again. And five minutes later he was crying. Again.
Rock, cherub, cry, repeat.
And then I remembered what Dr. Expert said: Children his age should be sleeping through the night!
Google: How to make a baby sleep.
“Let him cry 3 minutes. If he’s still crying, pat his butt. He’ll get over it and settle down and sleep through the night and your life will be so awesome.”-Dr. Expert
After two minutes my kid was so upset that he projectile-puked all over the nursery. Exorcist style. So here we are, me and the washing machine.
Experts? Puh.
I’ve recently been advised that my child should be sleeping better, eating more independently, and weaning off the bottle. I take all this advice to heart because, well, the experts say it.
And because these things haven’t happened yet, I’ve been feeling like a failure. Something must be wrong. Is it me? Is it Ben? What should I do?
Two things are certain:
1) Parents get tired.
2) Tired parents worry.
And that makes us a prime market for those million dollar parenting miracles. Books upon books tell us how to turn children into tiny little versions of adults who require less work and attention.
Well, I have a secret of my own: Babies aren’t convenient. And they aren’t supposed to be.
In our culture of fast food and quick service and “customer is always right,” it’s easy to get the idea that if something is difficult, it’s wrong.
Your kid isn’t sleeping well? You aren’t doing it right. Your kid isn’t interested in math? You aren’t doing it right. Your kid hasn’t walked yet? You aren’t doing it right.
Parents, I have some good news: You are doing great. Doctors know diseases. Firemen know fires. Pilots know planes.
And you, Mama and Daddy, YOU are the expert of YOUR baby.
The notion that a stranger could somehow be an expert on your child is a strange one, indeed.
Last night, I ignored my instinct that my child needed comforting. That he was scared. That his mouth hurt. And when I shoved that instinct aside and let someone else direct my parenting efforts, I ended up with puke-covered sheets and a red-faced, sobbing toddler.
Half an hour later, I watched my sweet little cherub sleeping in a crib stripped of linens. And that’s when I realized:
It is time to reclaim our confidence as parents.
It’s ok for a child to need comfort at night. Darkness is scary.
It’s okay for a child to hate math. Math sucks.
It’s okay for a teething ten month old to bite. Their mouths stinkin’ hurt!
And yes, these enlightened experts may have some brilliant ideas. But if you decide to use a certain method, it should be because YOU think it could work for your child. Not because someone else said so.
I will no longer be told that my child should be more convenient. That he should sleep longer and eat differently. He is a child. I chose this messy, inconvenient life. My lack of sleep isn’t anybody’s failure. It’s parenthood. And for Ben, for MY child, I know what’s best.
A rocking chair, a blanket, and some snuggles aren’t too much to ask of me.
So, parenting experts, you can shove it.
I am the expert on my child. I’m reclaiming my sovereignty of parenthood.
And you should, too.
Mary Katherine Backstrom – http://mombabble.com
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13 Comments
I love this! I was so worried every time my son failed to meet a milestone or didn’t sleep through the night till he was 18 months old. We need to gain back our confidence and know that we can do this, sleep or not!
My one year old was up every three hours last night. I’ve resorted to LYING to my doctor about it. I feel certain I’ll get busted and sent to the principals office when he finds out my kid is also still on the bottle. *gasp*
I used to worry about all of that too. My son is a teenager now and none of that stuff really ever mattered. I’ve done a lot right and a lot wrong but he and I are close because I’ve loved him through it all.
As far as milestones – I tell parents of young kids, “As long as it’s not still a problem when he’s going to college, don’t worry about it.” I don’t remember EXACTLY when he stopped sleeping in my bed or potty trained or gave up carrying his blanky because really, it doesn’t matter. They get where they’re going when they’re ready to get there.
I just love your attitude! It’s so refreshing to hear a mom who has been there say…look. It doesn’t matter. If only we could all be that honest–with others and ourselves 😉
I love this post so much I might propose to it.
Me first, Leslie!
Hear, hear! Well said. And my tween would absolutely agree with you that math sucks. Because it does. 🙂
One thing I have FINALLY figured out after four kids and over a decade of teaching is that most experts only look at the CHILD. It rarely matters what should be or is best for the child if no one takes into account the entire family. My baby barfed each and every night and every time she cried hard for SO VERY long! At least one expert said to just clean up the sheets and move on (which we did, plenty of times, just so we didn’t start hallucinating from the sleep deprivation!). The nurse at her pediatricians office just said, “She probably has a sensitive gag reflex.” On a whim, we changed her to lactose free milk (she refused the almond milk on principle). The barfing stopped – just like that! Like turning a light switch on and off. Congrats on the sovereignty reclaimed!! You’ve definitely earned it. 🙂
Yes! I love this! Three kids and well beyond those years, I can tell you that trusting your own instincts is absolutely the best parenting advice to live by. There’s some good stuff out there but it should all be filtered through your own gut. Same goes for the teen years. WE are the experts! Amen, sister!
Yes, Yes, Yes!! I hate when the “experts” try to say this his how your baby should be acting. Every child is different and special and deserve to be treated that way. A mothers instinct is above all the best guidance you can have! Trust it!!
So over being told what my kid “should” do. The only thing I hate more than parenting experts and their books which I can burn in effigy if I want is people who insist on parenting my child as if I’m not present. Back off! It takes a village, but that’s actually just what we tell you to sucker you into our fundraisers. I will tell him when he’s had enough sugar.
I so so so so (can’t stress how much)LOVE this! You are right! Only we, the parents, know what is the best for our kids. I am still breastfeeding my toddler and I give no fu@# for those think I am spoiling her.
Amen sista!!