OBITUARY: Uri Uterus 1970-2018

Wannabee BLUNT
Written by Wannabee BLUNT

Uri “Flo” Uterus passed away in her anesthetic sleep at the young age of 48 on April 16, 2018. Hard to say if the transition was peaceful, all things surgical incisions considered. Sadly, Uri brought the early demise upon herself because of her propensity for storing pre-cancerous cells in her lining. “Hoarding is a good thing,” said no one ever. Even so, Uri lived up to her potential and then some. Although, ‘then some’ left a bit of a perpetual mess.

Since obits are meant to be a tribute, let’s start with the good stuff. Uri’s mom, in response to what it was like living with Uri for 48 years, said, “Those were the best 27 months of my life.”  Her sentiments stem from the three beautiful children Uri held, protected, nurtured, and delivered into her world. “Uri was a miracle worker,” her mom continued, “her commitment, perseverance, and willingness to stretch herself to womb my kin will forever warm my soul.”

And since obits really ought to also be authentic, let’s move on to the real of it. Uri leaves behind a dubious, sanguine history. She made her first awkward mark in 1982, catching her adolescent mother off-guard and unprepared during middle school gym class. This was when operation toilet paper pad went into effect. And everything was one painful crimson shedding after another going forward. Minus, of course, those prized 27 months.

The thing about Uri is, she gushed at will—often at inopportune times such as during special occasions and every single vacation her mom ever scheduled. Such poor manners led to many emotional meltdowns and mishaps. Think white apparel, beach vacays, and anniversary getaways. Hence the not so endearing other 45 years and 9 months of her existence.

Uri also had a way of cramping her mother’s style and bloating her debt on the regular. The jury is out on just how much financial mayhem ensued from the obscene number of feminine product purchases resulting from Uri’s Niagra Fallsian demeanor. Which begs one to question why Tampax is still stuck in the stone ages. Super Plus is still the best you can come up with? Pf. Always about the money.

At the end of the day, despite her inability to stay on schedule or keep appropriate boundaries, Uri’s legacy will always be yoked to the three precious lives she ushered into this great big world.

“Uri will be missed. Not kidding. Kidding,” lamented her mother just before sinking into a medicated slumber on the operating table.

In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the non-profit organization, “Let’s Be Real”, which is working hard to change the mindset of tampon makers to meet the outrageous demands of temperamental uteruses everywhere.

 

 

 

Shelby Spear:

Three knuckleheads have left her an empty nest in which to ponder what the mom thing has (done to her) meant over the past 24 years. She shares how we all can find Grace in the mishmash of motherhood and life one revelation, screw-up, gaffe, and joy at a time on her blog and around the web. Shelby is currently working on her first book.

http://shelbyspear.com https://facebook.com/shelspear Https://twitter.com/shelspear https://instagram.com/shelspear https://pinterest.com/shelspear

About the author

Wannabee BLUNT

Wannabee BLUNT

Wannabe's are Guest Authors to BLUNTmoms. They might be one-hit wonders, or share a variety of posts with us. They "may" share their names with you, or they might write as "anonymous" but either way, they are sharing their stories and their opinions on our site, and for that we are grateful.

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.