Addiction runs in his family – two of his mother’s siblings have been in and out of rehab for alcohol, and another aunt almost died from a drug overdose three years ago. And his mother, who for many years consumed a box of wine almost daily, finally quit cold turkey because doctors would not treat her heart condition if she didn’t stop.

I too have addiction in my family – one brother passed away from pancreatitis caused by excessive alcohol abuse, another brother is currently incarcerated for crimes committed while on methamphetamines. My parents, after having endured mental and emotional abuse from both of my brothers for many years, finally gave up trying to get help for them because they refused to help themselves.

My partner’s predisposition to addiction made it easier for him to become an alcoholic when his son passed away at the age of nine from a seizure in his sleep. No one blames him for drinking then; jesus, I did enough of it myself to understand why.

We kept tabs on it over the years, knowing that we both could so easily slip down that slippery slope from recreational use to full-blown alcoholism. Except that now we have a 3 year-old daughter, and while I have curbed my imbibing immensely, his seems to have become a runaway train.

When we talk about it, he acknowledges it openly. He gives various bullshit excuses for it, like “it helps me sleep” and “I hated my job and was unhappy”. So, he got a new, better job, and guess what! Still drinking, only now since he is working nights he has all the freedom in the world to drink all day long because I am at work.

When he gets up at night, he stinks like alcohol. When I wake up in the morning with our daughter on weekends, he is already drunk at 8 am, which is his 8 pm because of the night shift.

Living with someone in this situation disgusts me. I have no respect for him because he either reeks of alcohol or he has been drowning in it while I sleep.

His family has no idea. When we do spend family time with them, it’s usually the only time that I get to have a few and relax, so they probably think that I am the drinker. That being said, when we have gone anywhere in the last few months it always ends up with me driving home anyway, even if he has promised to abstain and be the designated driver.

I don’t know how to get him to act on this. We have talked numerous times and he knows it’s a problem. I can’t MAKE him change if he doesn’t want to, and he just doesn’t seem to want to. I don’t know what to do anymore.

I just know I don’t want THIS anymore.

 

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1 Comment

  1. Take care of yourself and your daughter. You can’t control or change another person; you only control yourself. Go to AlAnon, see an individual therapist, read “Codependent No More”, etc. Your focus needs to be on self care and setting healthy boundaries. Maybe your partner will see your growth and it will inspire him to change. Or maybe it won’t. But start with you. Good luck and take good care.

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