I know what you’re thinking…
Your support system may be very small or non-existing.
And it would make a world of difference in your life to have a village of support for your single mom needs.
So after looking at that title, you’re probably mumbling:
“What is this bitch talkin’ bout? I have no friends, no family to support me! Their daddy ain’t worth a damn, and neither is his family!”
Or some shit like it.
But if you’re done cussing me out through the screen, hear me out, k?
As a single parent for over a decade, I’ve been in your shoes.
Wondering why I have to be punished for picking the wrong person to procreate with. Why I can’t just find a great paying job.
And of course, why I can’t seem to keep a reliable support group.
But here’s the shocker.
You don’t need a large support group.
As we get older, our circle of friends shrinks and it happens quicker when we become single mothers because we simply don’t have time for other people’s shit.
So, it’s far more beneficial to keep your support group small.
Let me tell you why…
Less Is More with Friendships
Frankly, you shouldn’t want a hotline of friends.
Who cares about keeping up with your best friend’s new car or why your other best friend hasn’t paid you back money you lent her?
Seriously, who has time to keep track of all that?!
You don’t need a slew of friends and their unreliable antics.
And you have kids to raise and household to keep in order! No one has time to try to decipher other people’s drama!
Do your family (and your sanity) a favor and keep the mess out of your already busy life.
And here’s a quick trick to do just that:
Pick your support group like you would pick folks to date.
If you like a man who can grill a steak or two, consider friends who enjoy the same. You want to be sure your children will be fed a meal when they have to rely on your support group for dinner so you can work late.
Or if you like a partner who keeps their home clean, pick out friends whose homes don’t look like some shit where you have to step carefully or risk a roach climbing up your leg.
Or maybe you wouldn’t date guy who smokes, swears like a drunken sailor, or acts like a douche to people in public. You want your babysitter acting like that around your kids?
Choose people who would be responsible for caring for your children like you care for your heart.
Those qualifications alone will make your support group selection pool small.
YOU Are The Most Reliable Person You Know
Let’s be real, momma.
No one else makes shit happen the way you do.
No one else will get shit done the way you do.
Making YOU the most reliable and responsible person you know.
You don’t have time to be bothered with flaky ass people who can watch your kids one minute, but decide they can’t the next.
And let’s face it: most people are not as reliable as we’d like them to be.
Your support group must be as reliable as you are, if not more.
You want to surround your family with people who don’t mind picking up a household chore or two so when you get home late. Or people who go out their way to help your kids with homework when you’re on a night out. Or people who can keep the kids in case your job makes you travel last minute.
These are the folks you want to have your back.
Your Children Do Not Need Adverse Influences In Their Lives
The last thing you need to worry about is your child picking up negative influences from the very people you put your faith in to do right by them.
For example, if you have daughters and their babysitter enjoys having men in and out of her home, your girls may grow to think that behavior is normal.
And more disturbingly, you don’t know if those people have friends around your children who may behave inappropriately towards them.
And what really sucks?
You can’t always protect your kids all the time.
The time will come when they’ll face adverse situations and you can only hope you’ve instilled the right influences in them so they’ll be ready to make wise decisions.
So, take care in keeping your support group small and filled with only the most loving and reliable people that will treat your child with the same love and care as you do.
Now, to you.
What are methods you use to pick only the best to care for your children? Have you noticed you trust less people around your kids?
Or maybe you have a huge support system and wouldn’t change it for the world! If so, how do you make it work?
Sound off below!
Monica is a devoted single mom of two and freelance writer from Virginia. She’s been featured in places The Washington Post, The Penny Hoarder, Yahoo, and USA Today. You can also find her on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/moleftwich or on her website, http://www.monicaleftwich.com