This summer I’ve spent a lot of time at the local pool. Some would say I’ve spent too much time there, but normally I’d disagree. There is no such thing as too much time at the pool. It’s just like there’s no such thing as too much ice cream, that is, unless someone is lactose intolerant, because: poonami.
Either way, since I’ve been spending every waking hour at the pool, I’m beginning to think that much like too much dairy, it may actually be possible to have too much pool time. To know for sure, I’ve come up with ten sure fire signs you are an excessive pool deck squatter. If you can relate to most of these, you may need to trade in your water wings and get rid of those sea legs.
1. You have your own pool chair with a gold engraved name plate.
2. The only thing hanging in your closet is swimwear.
3. You wake up, grab the sunscreen you keep by the bedside and slather on the first layer before coffee.
4. You forward your mail to the lifeguard locker room and expect them to deliver to your lounger.
5. The kids at the pool send you a “we miss you” card after the it closes for the season.
6. You have only been eating concession stand food for three months.
7. You’re going to be in the head lifeguard’s wedding party.
8. The pool is going bankrupt because of all the money it’s losing on your season pass.
9. You list the pool manager as your “in case of emergency” contact.
10. You keep a swimming cap in your purse at all times.
Are you spending too much time at the pool? Based on these criteria, I think I may be. Perhaps I’ll take a day or two off from the local pool just to recalibrate.
Maybe I’ll just hit up my neighbor’s pool instead.