You Know You Have Hit The Dirty Thirties When....

It was my birthday last weekend. I turned thirty *mumble* something, and I’ve been taking some time to reflect on that.

I was actually thrilled the year I turned thirty, thinking that it might herald the start of some new, awesome, better put-together me. But a few years into that decade I can tell you that it doesn’t seem to have worked out that way. I am still the disorganized, well-intentioned but not very capable person that I was in my twenties. Just a bit crankier, and with less ability to stay up late.

In an attempt to reassure myself that I’m not the only one struggling with this realization, I thought I’d put together a list. Here are 20 signs that you’ve hit your thirties…

You have a favorite mug, and it can ruin your day if you go to the cupboard and discover that someone else is using it.

You also have a favorite canvas bag for taking to the grocery store. You loser.

When you finally find a pair of jeans that fits well you buy three pairs in case they stop making them in that style.

When December rolls around, you can actually remember where you put last year’s leftover gift-wrap to reuse.

It makes your day to receive a dispatch email from Amazon letting you know that your plastic storage boxes are on their way.

Reading that New Yorker article about Birkenstocks being back in fashion made you do a little happy dance. Yes!

You have discovered – not entirely on purpose – that it’s possible to sneeze your mooncup out.

You find it disappointing when other people’s children don’t acknowledge gifts with a handwritten letter.

You eat the mouldy bit on Brie now, instead of leaving it on the edge of your plate.

Trying to use a social media network other than Facebook and Twitter makes you break out in a cold sweat. Snapwhat?

Teenagers swearing in public make you tut under your breath.

You start to question whether it’s actually worth staying up until midnight on New Year’s Eve.

You carry wet wipes in your purse. Just in case.

You seriously consider buying a cord to hang your sunglasses around your neck.

When you look through the camera roll on your phone you sometimes find blurry photos of your feet that you’ve taken accidentally while trying to answer a call.

You are terrified that your one lonely chin hair is going to multiply and become many.

You smuggle your own snacks into the movies to avoid paying over the odds for popcorn and soda.

You can nap even while a toddler uses your body as a roadmap for a dozen toy cars.

You use the phrase ‘wine o’clock’ enthusiastically and without shame.

You have a ringtone that actually sounds like a phone ringing.

BUT!

No matter how old you get – no matter how cranky you become, or how early you have to go to bed – there will be some parts of you that will remain forever young. So in honor of that, here are key lessons you should learn.

There actually is no thing as too much cheese.
Ditto cake batter licked from the spoon.
On a similar note, the third cocktail is always a good idea.
Accept compliments gracefully, instead of just mumbling and shuffling your feet.
Ugg boots are not appropriate for outdoor wear.
It is always worth asking someone else to put sunscreen on your neck and shoulders.
You shouldn’t buy new books until you’ve worked through all the unread ones on your shelves. (HAHAHA who does that?)
Watching Sesame Street is not just for kids. See also Disney movies, bouncy castles, s’mores, cotton candy, Eric Carle books, bubble-mix, Lego and anything that glows in the dark.
It’s always worth having one last wee before you leave.

Ruth Dawkins is a writer from Scotland who has recently moved to Australia with her husband and young son. She has been widely published on lifestyle and parenting sites and blogs regularly as DorkyMum. You can also say hello to her on Facebook and Twitter.