I Do Not Have Impostor Syndrome

Magnolia Ripkin
Written by Magnolia Ripkin

Lately I have been reading about people suffering from “Impostor Syndrome”.

When I first read about it I thought maybe it was just a bunch of sneaky trench coat wearing millenials playing spy versus spy or something. Apparently not.

Upon further research (read: skimming a few articles) I discovered that impostor syndrome is a thing, and it is the condition suffered by people who don’t feel they deserve what they have in some way. They feel they have this job, or some award, or are with a partner they didn’t somehow earn. The anxiety part comes from their fear that their deception will be discovered and a boardroom table crowd will suddenly realize they have an interloper among them. They will leap to their feet pointing and shrieking “You don’t deserve to be here, faker! Take your phony resume and shame walk your ass out of here!”

For the record, that never happens unless you are a republican, then the odds of having your fake-ass self discovered are just about inevitable.

I also discovered that women are more likely to feel they don’t deserve what they have. Huh. Shocking no? OF COURSE it is women… trained to be doormats and second class citizens all our lives and then we do achieve we wonder how that happened?

Here is why I don’t have impostor syndrome and neither should you.

Like you, I spent my life trying to find my place in the world. It is called growing up. As soon as my brain developed a reasonably robust executive function department, I was off to the races. I put my head into battering ram mode and sent haters flying out of my path like so much debris. I handled shit, I made mistakes and owned them. I learned, I worked, I hated hard and forgave when I could. I loved people who I had to recover from, and sometimes it was me who had to be recovered from. I accomplished amazing things and built a career over 30 years. I had ideas and made them happen, and now I can even point to legacy projects that wouldn’t have come to be if I had been afraid to speak. I questioned myself as a Mother, which we should all do, but I was never an impostor to my kids, they know me with no filters or masks. I am profoundly flawed but I show up for the people who need me, and they get what I can give.

I am not an impostor. I have spent a lifetime seeking all I could get from life, and now I know that the sum total of those experiences qualifies me for a seat at the table. I deserve to be anywhere I want to be because what I know and feel is valuable. That is as real as it gets.

If you are an impostor you can’t mentor others. You cannot raise up and share experiences with the women who could be forever changed by learning what you know.

Be brave and fierce. Speak the hell up. You have a lifetime of experience and it has value. You are not a faker. Do not allow yourself to be relegated to the corner because you think you don’t know enough to have an opinion. That narrative comes from inside your head, so kick it to the curb and pull up your big girl panties. Don’t allow yourself to be interrupted, take up your rightful space where you stand, suck in a deep breath and disrupt that shit.

I have made it through the world in my own messed up, funny, angry and loving way. That makes me real and valid.

You are real and valid. Start fucking acting like it.

About the author

Magnolia Ripkin

Magnolia Ripkin

Our Editor-in-Chief Magnolia Ripkin is sort of like your mouthy Aunt who drinks too much and tells you how to run your life, except funny... well mostly funny... like a cold glass of water in the face. She writes a flagrantly offensive blog at Magnolia Ripkin Advice Blog answering pressing questions about business, personal development, parenting, heck even the bedroom isn't safe.
She is the Editor in Chief at BluntMoms. Other places to find her: Huffington Post, The Mighty and Modern Loss. You can also check her out in two amazing compendiums of bloggers who are published in “I Just Want To Be Alone.” And most recently, Martinis and Motherhood, Tales of Wonder, Woe and WTF

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5 Comments

  • I find this post terribly offensive. Why is it politics is brought into nearly every post? Can’t people be respectful of someone’s beliefs? Please remove me from your mailing list.

    • Just because you are offended, doesn’t mean we are wrong.

      Frankly if you aren’t terrified of what is happening in the world, you simply aren’t paying attention sweet-pea. Every single aspect of the world and our children’s future is impacted by current politics, there is no place for deniers and cowards. We all need to stand up for our kids, and BluntMoms do not apologize for taking a stand every single time.

      Unsubscribe your own damn self.

    • I respect a person’s beliefs when they’re worthy of being respected. If those beliefs revolve around the continued mistreatment of certain groups based on their gender identities, sexual identities, genetic heritage, or religious affiliations, and if those same beliefs blindly support an administration that’s bent on ensuring basic human rights aren’t attainable for many, then yeah… not going to show a lot of respect toward that. Sorry, not sorry.

      As much as it pains me to say, the current political climate affects all of us (or at least those who choose to care) in myriad ways, every single day. For those of us who want to change things for the better, we need to speak up and speak out as often as we can. Make no mistake: we know exactly what we stand for and we will not be silenced. We know the kind of world we want for our children and trust me – things are moving in the wrong direction.

      If that offends you, there are plenty of interesting things for you to read at Breitbart, The Daily Wire, Fox News, et al.

    • Unfortunately for today, it’s too hard to live our lives without the lens of politics shaping our choices (or too often, the choices that are made for us). This post was about finding empowerment at a time when most of us feel powerless. For women to take ownership of our achievements and believe we deserve what we’ve reaped. I think these are positive takeaways, and left me feeling recharged and validated.