Hollywood Shits the Bed Again

Magnolia Ripkin
Written by Magnolia Ripkin

My daughter came storming into the living room already ranting. She plopped herself down without missing a note in her incensed angry monologue. As she continued to bombard me with language I didn’t know she knew, she was furiously tapping at her phone trying to find something. She blew a stray hair out of her face and started speaking more coherently.

Sixteen year old girls come in all types. The fashionistas, the Valkyries, the quiet but deadly and even the gentle kind. My girl is a rabid feminist future lawyer-with-a-mission type. She might be the scariest sort because she has a brain like a steel trap, and when that brain claps on to something, the death shake is sure to come.

The bit between her teeth today was a movie. She had watched the trailer for a new flick coming out in 2018 called Blockers. She has declared it a sexist, ageist trope that goes well beyond offensive.

The tag line for this dumpster bound waste of celluloid is: “Three parents try to stop their daughters from having sex on prom night.”

So that explains the name of the movie and a poster with a giant rooster on it. Hollywood has been making movies for over a century, and this is the culmination of humour and talent they produce in 2018? Hover Parent Cock Blockers? I was beginning to see her point.

The premise of this film is hard to fathom. The girls plan sex, their parents get wind of it, hilarity ensues.

But it is not actually funny. This idea is in such stunningly poor taste, even my eloquent and fierce daughter sputtered a bit as she listed all of the things wrong with this movie.

Her main point was that yet another group of film makers sat around and thought up a stupid premise, with an underlying message that girls and women cannot be allowed freedom of self direction. They don’t want young women to decide what they do with their own precious virginity. Society doesn’t value girls and women, it values some mangled idea of purity.

You know what all of these years of female oppression, rape, domination and sex slavery comes down to? Where the real grit lies? Why virginity is even a thing? It is because in that glorious moment when a penis pushes up against a hymen, and his golden member breaks through the fleshy gatekeeper, he is the first on the field. He got the blood, and it is magic. He is Thor and Zeus in one virile mass of power.

It is about domination, control, and bloody sheets. Hang them out the window all you old villagers so the world can deem the bride worthy of the dick she got syphilis from last night.

The men who are most voracious about protecting some twisted idea they have of modesty are actually scared of the pussy. It is the six square inches of real estate they can’t stop thinking about. They are so ashamed of how terrified and fascinated they are with our bewitching caves that they want to dominate them under the guise of protecting virgins.

The reality is, women aren’t buying into having their lady bits protected. Our fleshy baby makers don’t have some mystical power that must be guarded by Orcs like the eye of Sauron.  We don’t need to have our modesty, or lack of it protected like some vulnerable fucking fairies in danger of being picked off trees and eaten.

Making a movie that thinks it is funny to make parents into hapless fools, and devalues their on-screen girl children is a clear indicator that the film industry has run out of ideas. Or maybe they have lots of ideas inspired by the rampaging sexual predators within their industry.

These are the guys who think making a movie like Blockers is clever, or harmless fun. Just a joke as they slide their sleazy worm out of their fly.

They are Jabba the Hutt in human costumes, making movies about a world where women are less valued than men. Jabba likes films about virgins suddenly becoming sluts with just a little nudge of their dirty mushroom cap. Wow Hollywood, that’s entertainment.

We see you Jabba, and we have had enough of your greasy aggression. Your reign is over. We are coming for you.



Photo Source: Universal

About the author

Magnolia Ripkin

Magnolia Ripkin

Our Editor-in-Chief Magnolia Ripkin is sort of like your mouthy Aunt who drinks too much and tells you how to run your life, except funny... well mostly funny... like a cold glass of water in the face. She writes a flagrantly offensive blog at Magnolia Ripkin Advice Blog answering pressing questions about business, personal development, parenting, heck even the bedroom isn't safe.
She is the Editor in Chief at BluntMoms. Other places to find her: Huffington Post, The Mighty and Modern Loss. You can also check her out in two amazing compendiums of bloggers who are published in “I Just Want To Be Alone.” And most recently, Martinis and Motherhood, Tales of Wonder, Woe and WTF

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