Hey Perfect Facebook Couple, You’re Not Fooling Me

Wannabee BLUNT
Written by Wannabee BLUNT

I have a serious love/hate relationship with Facebook.

Love: because it connects me to my family and friends; they can see my boys grow up from thousands of miles away and also Facebook can be a great platform to get your voice across to millions of people.

Hate: just about every God-damn status update that involves a perfect Facebook couple.

I’m sure you know them; perky, overly-enthused women with equally overly-enthused man snapping a selfie in their Saturday night attire with the caption: “DATE NIGHT! LOVE MY HONEY! BEST BF EVER! #soblessed.”

And it’s the pictures with the all annoying “JUST BECAUSE FLOWERS FOR MY HONEY. <3 <3 I AM SOO LUCKY!” And it’s not just flowers; its’ the “just because” diamond necklace, or the “just because” teddy bear and box of chocolates. Jesus Christ. I can feel my eyeballs roll to the back of my skull when I see stuff like this; call me a Negative Nancy if you will but am I the ONLY one thinking “oh shit… what did he do?”

The truth of the matter is, and I don’t care if you claim to have the world’s best boyfriend/husband/baby daddy WHATEVER….the truth is: men don’t do that shit for no reason. They either royally F’d up or want to get laid. Sorry not sorry, that’s the truth. I’m speaking from personal experience, y’all. My husband is great however, he doesn’t go around buying me Godivas and a dozen red roses out of nowhere but if he does, he’s probably in the dog house or it’s our anniversary.

And do you know what makes it even worse? The women that feel the need to show the Facebook world these things.
What-ever happened to intimacy and keeping things sacred between two people? I cringe when I read the up-most private, intimate moments being shared via social-media. KEEP IT TO YOURSELVES, people!

Y’all. If something is too good to be true, it usually is. Nobody lives in a fairy-tale world of constant gifts and flattery. Puh-lease! You’re not fooling me.

I seriously doubt that your “so perfect OMG I love him with ALL my heart” relationship that your portray over the interwebs is really “OMG all that and a bag of chips” in real life. I know that your fab hubby that rubs your feet every-night after he brings you a glass of wine and hand feeds you grapes is also the same hubby that goes out with the guys every weekend to the local strip joint and pays for $5 lap dances. You’re not fooling me.

You’re also not fooling me with your long and drawn-out posts about being “so in love with the world’s  most perfect women” when in reality she is way out of your league and is only interested in your money. Oops.

So anyway, perfect Facebook couple, hats off to you for, er, not keeping it real? And keep it up because even though I love to hate you, it’s entertaining AF so please don’t stop.

I’m Laura. A mom to two very energetic little boys that consume all my time and energy. I write over at http://excuse-the-mess.com. I enjoy adult conversation over coffee or wine (depending on the time of day) in a pair of sweatpants.

About the author

Wannabee BLUNT

Wannabee BLUNT

Wannabe's are Guest Authors to BLUNTmoms. They might be one-hit wonders, or share a variety of posts with us. They "may" share their names with you, or they might write as "anonymous" but either way, they are sharing their stories and their opinions on our site, and for that we are grateful.

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