I had a revelation whilst shopping last month: If you are anything above a size 12 and/or require a brassiere, you might as well make your own clothing.

I’m not kidding. The size “14s” looked more like size 3s. I can’t help my daughters with Common Core math and I surely don’t understand those measurements.

The shirts were lovely from the back, but had crocheted/knitted-looking fronts. Absolutely adorable, but requiring you to wear something underneath them (unless you like the bare breast look.) So that would be straps from my much-needed bra, straps from a cami, and straps from the shirt. I might as well take those 6 straps and make a brand-new shirt. Shoulders hurt much?

And speaking of big boobs (see the comments about bras above), many of us have them. Some women spend mega-bucks to have mega-boobs. Being that mine are au naturale, I REQUIRE a bra to hold these bad boys up. Or pockets to put them in. But something that gives a little (a lot) of support. I know I’m not the only one. Ladies, raise your knockers with me to show some love for the bigger breasted women.

So, as long as our waists, hips, and diaphragms are miniscule AND we have itty bitty titties, we can basically shop anywhere and buy anything we want. But if we have a little extra meat on our bones, we are left with elastic waistbands and large cottony flowery-print shirts (seriously, check out the Plus section, flowers everywhere. Or horizontal stripes. And we’re totally told that horizontal stripes only make us look larger. So Bye, Felicia.)

I definitely no longer have the body-size/shape/style/athleticism that I would like to. I also have gray hair, of which I am not a fan. Things happen, people grow (up and out), and our bodies change. That doesn’t mean we should have to wear sheets and tablecloths around town. We can still be stylish AND curvalicious!

I don’t get it. I just don’t. Media (while shaming us about obesity) tells us that the average woman is a size 14. And a real 14, not the 14s I saw today. So why are the major fashion designers not focusing on making clothes that size that, wait for it, actually look fashionable? Hellloooooo, over there in France, and Milan, and wherever else. We’re here, we’re big(ger), and we can totally rock an outfit if it actually fits us!! It can’t cost that much more to add a couple of inches of fabric. Get on with it already.

Until they do, I will be over here working these sheets, tablecloths, and gigantic bras like a boss. C’mon and join me! Because I am fun and fabulous!!!! And so are you!!!!
 

 

(This post originally appeared on Mommyopoly)

About the author: Sheri Schooley is a sarcastic, witty, self-deprecating, middle-aged, hilarious wife and mother of two incredibly amazing daughters. She enjoys spending time with her family, as well as making people laugh. She currently resides in the way-too-hot State of Florida and is phenomenal at complaining about it. Sheri expresses herself best through the written word and hopes that you’ll be able to connect with her through her stories of relationships, parenting, and neuroses.  

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