I’m a boy momma to two very wild and curious little boys. I’m their momma bear. I view myself as their protector and soul-destroyer to anything and anyone that wants to harm them.
I’m well aware of the cruel reality that one day, they won’t be my little boys anymore. One day, they will grow up, turn into men and possibly get married and I will more than likely have a daughter-in-law.
While you may have heard the horror stories of mother-in-laws from hell, my fear is having a daughter-in-law spawned from Satan. I’ve seen one too many Dr. Phil episodes to realize that some women thrive on power and control—this can literally break a strong bond that a mom and son once had. I could only pray that my sons, if they decide to, will choose to marry a woman that not only has all of the qualities of a good person, but also the qualities of a nice daughter-in-law. And when I say nice, I don’t just mean calls me every day to ask how I’m doing or buys me a really awesome Christmas gift—I mean nice as in allows me to have a relationship with my son.
The honest truth is, the person that my son decides to marry has ultimate control over him; the control over how often they call or visit me and how strong of a relationship we will continue to have. I may sound sexist but a majority of the time in a marriage, the women plays a significant role in determining the husband’s relationships; whether it’s good or bad, she determines it. And she might not have to say much… perhaps it’s a onetime comment or even a look and the guy will beckon at her request.
I’ve seen it. Hell, I’ve done it. It happens.
I’ve seen strong bonds between mothers and sons literally wither away to dust because of a jealous and controlling daughter-in-law. And what makes the situation even worse is when children are deprived of their grandparents because of it. This scares the hell out of me, yet I know that there’s nothing I can do. I can guide my sons the best that I can and establish a healthy and strong relationship with them—yet I know that one day, they can be ripped right from my arms and all I’m left with are weekly phone calls that barely last five minutes.
So if I had to share a few words with my future daughter-in-law, it would go something like this.
Please don’t be that woman.
Don’t be that women that will be known for ripping his family apart. Don’t be that women that will secretly be talked about at every family gathering as the reason why my son isn’t there. Don’t be that women whose husband—while at the moment will respect and stand by your side, will ultimately resent you for making him choose between you or his family.’
If my son loves you but you and I can’t see eye to eye, I will respect his choice and still have an adult relationship with you. So I ask that you please do the same.
I don’t want to miss out on my son’s life or the chance to know my future Grandchildren, so please…don’t be that women. We don’t have to be best-friends or even like each-other, but we can be civil to one another.
I won’t offer unwelcome advice, make comments about your cooking and I’ll even call before coming over. So do me a solid and remind my son when it’s my birthday, anniversary and to see me on Mother’s Day. Oh, and to call me more than once a week.
That’s all I want. And respect.
So please….don’t be that women
And I promise I won’t be that mother-in-law from hell.
Hey I’m Laura…. I live in Germany…it’s pretty neat here but I miss Target and general tso’s chicken. I’m a mom to two very energetic little boys that consume all my time and energy…not to mention sanity. I write at http://excuse-the-mess.com. I’ve been featured in Scary Mommy and BluntMoms. I enjoy adult conversation over some coffee or wine.