****Before you read our long and tedious submission advice below, please make note that we are moving away from posts about new parenthood. This includes topics like pregnancy woes, cracked nipples, car seat shit storms and anything to do with your first few years of parenting. We want lots of stuff that will engage older parents of tweens teens and beyond****
Note: Please don’t send pitch emails with preview of the topic you promise will be totally awesome once you write it. Just write the whole thing and if it is awesome we will publish it.
There is nothing we like better than to publish that next great viral super post. It might be yours, but we can guarantee that it won’t be if you don’t pay attention to this page.
These submission standards are not a wish list, and we are not Santa, so please ensure that you proof your work accordingly. There is a really good chance that we would hit the trap door on your post if you don’t follow the rules. The trap door is poised atop a B movie villain’s shark pool.
You don’t want your words eaten by sharks, do you?
If you want to earn brownie points towards becoming a BLUNTmom, you must submit original work.*
Go read that sentence again. Original means it’s been published nowhere before. And YES, published on your own blog counts as having been published before, even if your mom and bestie were the only readers. Also it is bad blogger etiquette to submit an original piece to multiple sites to see which one sticks. We blacklist people for shit like that.
Either way, when you submit an original post, make sure your brag-rag bio and social media URLs are at the bottom of your post, even if it is a second edit. Always include it, ’cause we’re busy ladies and have been known to accidentally link to the wrong blog. Or to porn sites. Or nothing at all, ’cause if you can’t be bothered, why should we?
*Syndicated Content (does not count towards BLUNTmoms brownie points)
There is another way to get your stuff on BLUNTmoms. We syndicate up to seven previously published pieces of content per week via posts submitted to the BLUNTmoms Syndication Group on Facebook. Competition is fierce to be republished because we’re awesome and everyone wants to be seen on BLUNTmoms. Also, we feel absolutely no obligation to post up to seven syndicated pieces if the offerings suck, so if you were hoping to slide one by on a slow quality week, you’re going to be disappointed. So don’t bother submitting sponsored posts or lackluster work to the syndication group. It’s not a mommy-sharing group. We have public bonfires to torch people who post crap writing in hopes we might let one slide by.
What We Expect
We will expect that you are painfully honest in your writing. Deeply, painfully honest. You might be funny. We like funny, but we certainly don’t always expect funny.
What we don’t expect (or need, or want) are more ho-hum stories, especially about motherhood. We are kind of done with vanilla tales of woe.
If you’ve got a hilariously rendered story about how you had a wardrobe malfunction in the middle of your cousin’s wedding or the time you shouldn’t have trusted a fart; or a raw, personal and honest story about PPD, then we will gladly accept your submission for review.
See the difference?
How Long Will It Take to Hear Back?
Our editorial team members read every single ORIGINAL submission and will get back to you as soon as they can with their feedback. Please note that all of our editors have full-time jobs and are only able to work on the site at night and on the weekends. This means that when we are especially overwhelmed with submissions, it might take us up to a few weeks to get back to you.
Usually it’s not that long.
If a piece is very time-sensitive (ie. regarding a current event or an upcoming holiday), please also reach out directly to one of our editors via social media to let us know so we can fast-track your piece; we’re not always in the editor in-box every day and we usually work in order of receipt.
Once it goes through the editorial process, it goes into the scheduling queue. We schedule posts oldest to newest, so depending on the amount of submissions, it may be some time before your post is scheduled. Please be patient. If we spend time editing your work only to discover that you published your work someplace else without telling us, you might also be standing on the trap door along with your submission (remember the shark tank) and be blacklisted.
If you have any concerns about whether we’ve missed your post or if you’d like to pull back a submission and use it on your own site, please feel free to email us at editor (at) bluntmoms.com. You can also send us a message via our facebook page and/or twitter account.
One last thing, if you are the kind of person who submits to us and then a bunch of others to see who picks it up, then maybe we can’t be friends. Write it for us, and leave it with us. If it isn’t a fit, we will let you know; then you can go shop your word babies elsewhere. We are bags about this, ‘k?
Don’t be that person.
The BLUNTmoms editorial team sets a gosh darn high bar for the material that gets on our site. We pride ourselves on helping develop good writers into better writers. That means we’re not going to spare your feelings. So here’s what you can expect during the editorial process:
Honest feedback – During the review process, you’ll have to prepare yourself to hear the words: no, boooooring, you’re being an asshole, more boring, needs more cowbell, where the hell are you going with this?, you’re tripping over your own shoelaces, and go home and kill this with fire. We don’t believe that sugar-coating benefits anyone, including our own cadre. If you don’t believe us, just ask them. If you can’t hack constructive criticism without taking it too personally, you may not want to submit.
Requests for revisions – Very few of us nail the BLUNTmoms tone and style on the first go, our regular writers included. Please do not be surprised if we ask you to revise your post. Requests for revisions means that we think that you are a good enough writer that we might like to publish and therefore your piece is worthy of refinement. We try to be clear in our feedback.
Rejections – If you are looking to submit to us, it is hopefully because you like the quality of content that is on our site. We are the word-baby inspectors, and the brutal truth is that some of them won’t make the cut to become strong BLUNTmoms and will end up being thrown off a cliff to die on the bones of the dead and inferior.
You will be told – usually – what the problem is and get invited to try it again. Sometimes it isn’t about the writing, it is that we have too many posts on a particular topic. We will be clear about which it is. All of our cadre writers and other editors get the occasional fire-axe to the face too, so we’re not just picking on you; you just can’t expect a legion of brutal word-warriors to arise from the weak and the feeble.
Improvement – we have not yet had a single writer that has gone through a serious editorial review and not come out of it more satisfied with their writing. In fact, our regular writers get bitchy if we don’t criticize them. We will always push on you to get better.
Invitations to return – we like to see familiar faces on our site. We think that it is a good thing for everyone if our audience has time to get to know you. If we see that you are a fit, you will be invited to send in further submissions, and after a trial period, if you are interested and we believe you are promising, you may be invited to join our elite cadre of writers.
Hold up sweet cheeks…. before you submit a post – you might want to tune into this podcast with our editor Magnolia Ripkin to get the scoop on what works and what gets sent back to you with a sore backside: Magnolia Speaks Podcast
Spelling and Language Use
BLUNTmoms writers come from all over the world; we won’t quibble about your use (or failure to use) the letter U excessively in spelling words like colour. This, however, is not a license to seriously use non-words from the Modern Dictionary of Idiots like “alot,” “alright,” or “irregardless” unless you want to end up in the shark tank. Feel free, however, to make up words and phrases that show your keen sense of wit and gross sense of humor, like writer Brooke Takhar’s “bacon-gina” to convey the sense of what your underwear smells like after a workout.
Incidentally, there’s a thing called “grammar check” on most wordprocessors now. It even has been known to work from time to time.
Oh, and if you don’t know what a cliche is… look it up, and never use one again. Ever. Unless you’re being deliciously ironic and you have a taste for danger.
Need more info? firstname.lastname@example.org
P.S. Don’t submit work in a Word or PDF attachment, either use the submission form or send an email to the editor.