“I don’t want them labeled…”

If I had a dollar for every time I heard this I could pay off my house, your house and probably have enough left over for a nice new car. Honey, it’s time we had some real talk.

I keep hearing this. Hell, I’ve even said it myself. The fact is, this isn’t about YOU. It never was. It hasn’t been about you since the moment the doctor said “It’s a boy! Or girl!”. Sorry sunshine, I am all for a pity party for one from time to time. This resisting a label thing, you’re just keeping your head in the sand. That’s not helping your kid at all. You think that label is going to hurt them? What do you think ignoring what is there is going to do?

I’m not going to beat around the bush with this. Your kid already HAS a label. The weird one. The troublemaker. The quirky one. The “What’s with that kid?” one. Why not get them the correct one? More importantly, get them the correct supports in place for success.

The label is a necessary evil. I know being practical is about as much fun as watching paint dry but it is what it is. You think you will get an insurance company to pay up for some sort of nondescript help? I can’t even get them to pay past thirty for speech therapy and my kid has the label of autism! Plus, I get the added fun bonus of having my yearly conversation with them of “Why yes, I will still be taking him to speech therapy and paying out of pocket. He’s still very much autistic! He didn’t magically recover from his severe expressive and receptive communication troubles just because we hit the limit. Go figure!”

And school Fries, sorry, you are definitely going to need them there. No one is handing out IEP’s all willy nilly for kicks. You want that free and appropriate education that the law entitles your child to receiving, you have to get the label. You just do. You want to get the best possible tailor made education for your kid, you best accept that label you are so afraid of calling them.

I get it. I really do. I was in denial for years. I didn’t want to see what was right in front of my face. Once I started accepting it, well, I got used to it. It’s not a case of getting better. You just start finding your kid’s own groove. I started following the tour guide that autism sent to me. Yes, there are frequent stops for “window fries” and I know more about trains than I ever thought possible. I started to get a bit more fluent in his own language while teaching him my own. I saw past the label.

In other words, I got the eff over myself.

Everyone wants what’s best for their kid. Maybe it’s autism. Maybe it’s something else. Whatever it is, let’s not add resenting you as a parent to the mix.

(This post originally ran on Autism with a Side of Fries.)

About the author: Autism is a trip I didn’t plan on but I sure do love my tour guide. It’s better to laugh than to cry. Mainly because I got distracted by the free samples at Costco and forgot to buy tissues. So, come join this one mom’s adventure with a side of sarcasm (and fries) on my blog Autism with a side of fries. http://autismwithasideoffries.blogspot.com. You can also find Mama Fry on Facebook and on Twitter @FrenchFryInc.

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1 Comment

  1. I agree with you – to some extent. But – and you can yell at me for this – I want to make sure my kid has the RIGHT label before we give him a label that will follow him forever, or at least through his years in the school system. We have an IEP in place for his behavioral issues; the school strongly suggest autism, but their own eval didn’t result in a diagnosis. So we took him to a psychologist – one with educational background as well as tons of experience with autism/aspberger’s/adhd/sensory stuff/etc. Still no diagnosis. Psychologist is totally on board with our wanting to get it right and fully supports the lack of a label and an IEP based on the issues, not the “label.” Personally, for me and my kid, I feel that’s the right move, too.

    But – we aren’t ignoring the problems he’s having. In my heart, I know someday we’ll probably end up with the ASD label, because nothing else seems to fit well either, and that is the thing that most everyone “gets” and wouldn’t question. I’m not sure it’s right – but since they don’t do a stand-alone DX of Aspberger’s anymore (new DSM doesn’t recognize it as separate from autism), that’s what we’ll be left with.

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