images (17)My relationship with the church has been pretty strained.

The story has to do with a small town, a hard core and twisted Baptist minister, a basement, and a talk about the rapture.

Long story short – the message offered to me, at the age of 10, was that if I didn`t believe in God definitively, I faced the risk of being removed from the world entirely, or possibly having my head cut off.

Twisted and dramatic, right? I know – so I never went back.

Ever.

Now, 25 years later, with a young family in a very big city, I am looking for a sense of community I feel that we are missing. I want faith in our household – spirituality, guidance, and goodness.

And so, I`ve decided to take the family to church this Sunday.

But here is the thing – each time I think about church, I think about fucking. I think of the hard core, no-nonsense, no cuddling kind that I really enjoyed in singlehood.

The idea of church is seriously making me horny.

Why? Somewhere along life`s crazy path, after I disowned religion and found men, God`s name played a key role in all of my trysts.

“Oh Christ, fuck me”!

“Give it to me, oh my God….harder”.

I`ve even combined it with the big old bad C word. I will spare you that –  I think you get the point.

My greatest fear is that during the church service I`m going to start getting off, get stuck to the pew, or, get struck by lightning.

I`ll happily take the first two, and then during the third, sing, ahh-men.

 

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3 Comments

  1. I… I want to comment and for the first time ever am left without words. There is laughing and agreement and “IKR!?” going on over here. But words? Not a one.

    YOU WIN THIS ROUND.

  2. You cannot imagine how aroused your story makes me. Am I allowed to comment as a man? Never been here before and I imagine I am treading on Holy ground… Female Holy ground. So let me say with trepidation, that I too grew up in the Church and was a true believer and repressed my puberty and sexuality well into my late 20’s and beyond. I quit Christianity in my mid 30’s and only came to realise then, how deeply I associate sexual fantasy with women in church. The taboo, fundamentalist nature of church, with all those women dressed up so conservatively and with such regard for feminine apparel, has left me a slave to the look and smell and poise of women in church. Good wholesome women devoted and respectable– longing to free their repressed selves and gratify their natural carnal desires with a good hard Christian man who despite the building pressure of his lust and desire, still fears the wages of “sin”. Good luck sister.

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