We are raising our children in the middle of a fundamentalist Bible belt. Everybody in the area goes to private Christian schools and it is a little overwhelming sometimes. We watch the children here being deliberately and completely immersed in the belief system of their parents. It is a pretty hard-core belief system too. If you look at the young people, you will see lots of blank eyes and mindless parroting of doctrine.

The fundy kids are very heavily monitored and supervised (think the level of crazy on that Duggar 19 Kids and Counting show). Of course, this intense attention to religious grooming makes perfect sense. If the early installation of belief is deep and true, then they won’t be as likely to wander outside mother church. In fact, that is what church elders are used for: they intervene when young people want to move away from home on their own. Weddings are mandatory before you get to leave the family home.

Sometimes the locals come to our door to talk to us about Jesus–or they used to. One day, I had enough. I very firmly pointed out that it is the ultimate arrogance and delusion to disturb other people to spread religious preachings. I also may have mentioned that many of us think they are foolish for being so earnest about it all.

Something to that effect anyway. I think our house is now on the “Satan spawn” list, the people they haven’t a hope of saving.

We teach our children that stories are just that. Santa, Bigfoot, and God. Nice fantasies that man has put in place to give comfort or more likely to keep people obedient. We also show our kids that they should be good people for the sake of creating happiness, not because they should fear some retribution or reward from an invisible deity. We don’t want them to fear and obey something they can’t see, or really understand. We also don’t want them to believe the earth is under 10,000 years old, or that it is flat or any of the other indefensible beliefs of the right wingers.

I mean, how do they do it with a straight face?

Our family believes in science, progress, ethics, and the laws of the land. We believe there is no place for religion in those topics, nor in school, nor anywhere else. If people want to be religious, they should go to church, pray and believe–and that’s where it ends. They should have no influence over public policy and human rights. In fact, I find it insulting that the assumption is that you can’t be a whole human, or moral without religion. That is just preposterous.

Sometimes my youngest child asks about why so many friends believe in god. I explain it is because their parents do, and hopefully when they grow up they will make their own choices about religion.

To be fair, I also try to explain that there are many great aspects to organized religion. Way back in the day, it was churches and parishioners who did charitable work in communities. They put their energy into feeding the poor, and taking care of families who fell on hard times. Now, many churches expend their passion to oppress others. Westboro Baptists and the people like them who think a woman shouldn’t have control of her reproductive choices, or even have the right to marry who you want are the issue. What has happened to religion?

Would Jesus have picketed the funerals of Veterans, calling everybody fags?

The great world religions have lost their way entirely. I think by raising the new generation with a blank slate may help the world start anew. Imagine the young people of this generation refusing to be drawn into religious based conflict. What a great revolution that would make.

As for our little corner of the world, I’m not worried whether my children are out there sinning. I am more concerned that they are happy, and productive and not brainwashed. And I’m making damn sure that they are doing their part to make THIS world a better place instead of waiting for the glory of one that may never come.

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8 Comments

  1. I find this post a little hard to wrap my head around. You’re painting the Christian community with a really big brush – scratch that, with a paint roller. I feel a bit like you slapped a big sticker on my face that says “CHRISTIAN: RIGHT-WINGED NUT & IDIOT.” (I haven’t met anyone in my LIFE who believes that the world is flat….?)
    I’m raising my kids in the church, and our church’s focus is on community ministry – not going door to door, hounding people about their beliefs, but being present in the community through community gardening, bike co-ops, meal programs, food banks… Reaching out to our neighbours and hosting BBQs, getting to know them, and helping them when they need help. There’s nothing I would like more for my kids than to be happy & productive members of society who find their calling to be something that makes the world a better place to be in. It seems like you & I are on the same lines here – but you say,
    “We watch the children here being deliberately and completely immersed in the belief system of their parents.”
    And the same can be said for you – just because you’re ANTI instead of PRO, it isn’t any less true. YOU believe that organized religion is a hole not to be sucked into, therefore you teach your children that they should follow in your footsteps. This is the nature of parenting, whether it’s in a Christian or Atheist household: you want the best for your children, so you want them to live a life like you live.
    I totally also believe that religion and politics don’t mix. That is not to say, however, that I don’t think that a religious person is not allowed to be political – we all come to the world – to every situation – with a particular worldview – a series of experiences, events, and beliefs which shape how we think and how we see the world – you do, just as much as I do.
    Sure, there are a lot of misdirected people with very misdirected ideas in the Christian community, but we can’t pretend that every Atheist out there has all the answers and treats the world and those around them with the utmost respect. The reality is that we’re all humans and none of us are perfect – but I would hope that we can work together to make the world a better place regardless of our worldview.
    {as a post-script: I realize that defending Christianity is not the popular thing to do, esp, it seems, on BM lately…but I’m not defending *all Christians* – I’d just ask that you take another look at some of the quieter ones around you who aren’t pounding on your door. Don’t put us all in the same bucket and make US feel as inferior as the folks that you’re talking about made YOU feel. I’m not crazy, I swear. You can ask one of the editors of BM…I haven’t given her a Bible yet or told her she’ll go to hell if she doesn’t come to church with me, or anything. 😉 }

    • Jenn, you took the words right off my finger tips! The biggest point in this article that I wanted to address is that it’s quite hypocritical of you to (anonymously) say “We watch the children here being deliberately and completely immersed in the belief system of their parents.” and “Sometimes my youngest child asks about why so many friends believe in god. I explain it is because their parents do, and hopefully when they grow up they will make their own choices about religion.” because in turn, aren’t you immersing your children in your non-beliefs? Telling them that there is no God and what not? Isn’t that what parenting is? Immersing them in (whatever) our values and beliefs are? Otherwise they’d run a muck with no discipline, rules, values, morals, etc.? Perhaps I’m wrong but the tone I get from this is “hopefully when they grow up they’ll know better”.

      I can only speak on my behalf, I’m not defending the world’s Christians as certainly they are not all perfect, nor are atheists, but even though we are raising our children in the church, we cannot MAKE them believe anything. We strive to teach them to love others the way that God loves us, to be kind, respectful, charitable and helpful to people. In fact, I am learning more on how to love this way through my 4.5 year old son. He has faith that could move mountains and I’m immensely happy for him.

      I’ve never believed in the door-to-door petitioning for Christ and I myself (even living in the country!) turn away Jehovah’s witnesses politely, though all they mostly do is hand out their pamphlets and leave anyway. It’s definitely not fair to group all believers into this door-to-door salvation category, or with extremeists like Westboro, or even the Duggars or the evangelist street preachers. The (dare I say) majority of Christians are a quieter lot just trying to live a Jesus-based life. No, Jesus wouldn’t have done that. He loves the unlovable, He healed people that everyone else mocked, shamed, and was scared of. He counselled prostitutes and criminals teaching them that there was so much more to live for in their lives. He loves everyone and teaches us to do the same. (Clearly not all are perfect or get the message!).

      I wanted to thank you for a light bulb moment you gave me. I know a lot feel that atheism is “going against the grain”, but in our modern social media driven world, I often feel shamed for being a Christian. When you write “We also show our kids that they should be good people for the sake of creating happiness, not because they should fear some retribution or reward from an invisible deity. We don’t want them to fear and obey something they can’t see, or really understand.” My light bulb moment was: “I wonder if a lot/most/all atheists believe that Christians only do good things and treat people nicely as if it were a checklist from God to get into Heaven? We read the Bible and try to live it in our lives because God will give us blessings. These blessings are not a guaranteed ticket to Heaven and eternal life—His blessings are the joy we live out in our lives. I actually just listened to a Podcast on this very thing last night and felt it so relevant to your blog post (www.the-project.ca).

      My church still does those things you mentioned, it’s not “way back in the day”. We are involved with Operation Christmas Child, World Vision, Samaritan’s Purse, The Mustard Seed, Pregnancy Care Centre and countless other Christian organizations around the world. We get together and do projects in our communities. We lend a hand when someone is sick, we car pool, we pick up groceries for each other and expect nothing in return. To have that fellowship and sense of community is something that is so special to my family.

      I have a lot of Christian friends, atheist friends and friends with different belief systems than me. The key to coexisting is respect. What you believe/say/do has nothing to do with me, as long as it’s done respectfully. There’s no need to be rude and disrespectful like using the term “brainwashed” as I’ve seen in the comments here.

  2. I’d just like to point out that using Westboro Baptist Church as an example of “Christians” is probably not the best choice, as by far the VAST majority of Christians world-wide have been very clear in stating that we believe their actions are indefensible and have nothing to do with Christ.
    And I have to agree with Jenn’s point above, that, in a way, telling your children “stories about God are fantasies” is pretty much the same thing as my parents telling me “stories about God in the Bible are true”–it’s natural to teach your children what you believe.

  3. Sounds like you’ve had some bad experiences with people who call themselves Christians.
    Being a Christian is not about creating a spectacle, following rules and calling yourself ‘religious’. Being a Christian is about a relationship with God, being loving and serving others.
    I’m all for open conversation about religion and letting our kids explore their own belief system – but I think the conversation has to be bigger than the reasons to be anti-Christian.
    Respectfully yours.

  4. That Cindy Girl Reply

    This may be the most hypocritical blog post I have ever read. The fact the author doesn’t recognize her own hypocrisy is shocking to me. She thinks that because she believes she is right she is allowed to degrade and insult anyone with a differing point of view. Congratulations! You are teaching your children to be intolerant of others. How enlightened you must be.

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