Do you know what OTP means? How about fleek?
Yeah, me neither….
You know why?
Because we are old, my friends…
Ancient. As. Hell.
As adults, our internal vault of slang fills up over the decades, but we rarely hit the “refresh” button on that list to add the latest lingo. Maybe we fear looking like we are trying too hard to be modern by talking like the kids at the bus stop.
But modernize we must, we can’t keep using the word “groovy” like Cheech and Chong and not be a mockery.
My personal jargon vault has somewhat refreshed since I no longer describe something worth remarking as “Totally Tubular.” Suzanne Summers and I both had to move on without our headbands and leg warmers.
I was hanging with my daughter and her teen friends (or maybe I was chillaxin’ – whatever) and I used the term “word.” Apparently this should have been ejected from my vault too. That expression, and posse poses were so 90’s apparently.
What’s a Mom to do? We overcome and adapt like the bad-asses we are. So I decided to dive in and save y’all from the humiliating lesson I had to learn in researching this piece, but first I have to tell you how it happened.
It started when I said “Oh that’s cool” to the gaggle of female juveniles on our pool deck. They snickered quietly and a brave one said “like, nobody says ‘like cool’ anymore, it is so, like, old school.”
At which point I wanted to reach over and flick her nose piercing. Do they all have to say “like” in every sentence? I keep waiting for one of them to get stuck in a loop and just stand there saying “like, like, like, like, like” as a record scratch. Oh wait… record scratch. So vintage.
It was time to figure this shit out. Determined to document this properly, I pulled out more evidence of my age and slammed my readers on, prepared my notebook and pen, ready to begin the lesson.
Defined with usage examples, I present you with my findings about teen slang that will crown you as coolest of the Momsters:
When something looks good.
Use like this: “Your outfit/hair/purse is goals.”
(The grammar murder in the usage of this term is a travesty but stick with me… it gets worse.)
Anything that looks good, which is somehow different from goals.
Use like this: “Your outfit is on point today.”
(Pointy outfit – check.)
When something looks good.
Use like this: “Your eyebrows are on fleek and your hair is goals.”
(I will now run to the mirror to see if my eyebrows are fleeked enough.)
When you talk about two people who should be together but aren’t.
Use like this: “I totally see Brittany and Caleb like perfect together, I ship them.”
(I have nothing to say about how equally silly and sweet this is.)
This means “One Time Pairing” which refers to mostly fictional characters who should hook up.
Use like this: “Oh I think Katniss and Edward from Twilight would be such a great OTP.”
(OMG do these kids have nothing better to talk about than the potential awkward mating of pretend people?)
This is not a nice word for an unpopular girl.
Use like this: “She is a Thot so nobody dates her.”
(Because we needed one more crappy disrespectful word that marginalizes fragile girls.)
This is what is used to describe young men who are arrogant and cocky and hang their pants down their bums. We used to know them as unrepentant mean boys or douche canoes and not date them.
Use like this: “That F-boy needs some new trousers”
(Actually don’t call them trousers… vintage again).
This means a favourite song.
Use like this: Shriek “This is my jam!” while jumping up and down.
(Make sure you are referring to a piece of music that you love and not something you just spread on toast. Also don’t wreck your cool groove by turning up the volume in front of your kids and playing your fave Kenny G tune. That should not be your jam.)
Practice using these terms in the correct context and your cred will be all up in their grills… not.
Do you have any words to add to my compendium of modern talk?
Author’s update: New one appearing in the household teen vocabulary. When you are grouchy over something (like… oh…I don’t know… cleaning your room for instance) it is called being “salty”. For us of more advanced age, it means grouchy. Consider this guide a gift in your struggle to be that cool parent…