8 Facts Proving The Earth is Flat

Kristine Laco
Written by Kristine Laco

In the world of fake news, I am happy to report some real-life news that you can take to the bank.

The Earth is flat.

Put your troll type away for now and listen to my reasoning because it is based on science and other stuff and celebrities too including one of the guys from The Bachelorette.

  1. Have you ever seen the ball of a world with your own eyes? No. That’s because there is a dome around the surface of the earth so that you can’t get far enough away to take a selfie.
  2. No country will colonize Antarctica because it is the outer edge. Fifty countries actually signed a treaty or something about it so that no one would see the edge. Also, the edge is cold, so nobody wants to fucking go there saving us from hitting the dome. It’s like super well planned out and stuff. Almost like a make-believe world would be but in real life. The good news is that global warming is a crock of shit too, so we will never see the other side of the ice. Some say there is another society on the other side, but that is ridiculous.
  3. God made the Earth and he likes flat stuff. It is proven He likes flat chested women more than the big-round-boobers or all the porn stars wouldn’t be in Hell.
  4. If we were revolving at a million gazillion miles per hour, how do we not fly off or get motion sickness, like a lot? You say gravity; I say gravity is not really gravity it is just density which is super not the same and way sciencier. What about mosquitos? Do they have to fly at a million gazillion miles per hour to bite us even though they are very tiny and don’t have massive muscles? You feel the fool now, don’t you? It’s okay. That’s how I felt once too.
  5. It is crazy healthy to challenge stuff that we think we know to be true like Bill Cosby is a swell guy was probably a good idea the challenge. We should always ask questions except when it is a fact like the flat Earth.
  6. Do you ever wonder why you feel kind of icky after a flight? That is because you are always turning right to go around the flat Earth so we don’t by accident see the north pole in the middle and make NASA sad that we ruined their secret.
  7. Some people claim that the Earth has a curvature, but that is just because your eyes are curved. Don’t be a dumbass because your eyes are curved too, and that’s a fact.
  8. Because Kyrie Irving, B.o.B, and Shaquille O’Neal are super smart thinkers and they told me on Twitter that the Earth is flat. Twitter wouldn’t put fake news on their site.

About the author

Kristine Laco

Kristine Laco

Kristine Laco shares the stories we all have with a splash of sarcasm, a pinch of bitch and a ton of wine. Her middle finger is her favourite and she lives by the motto that if you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them. She takes selfies at the gyno. Taco Tuesday is her gospel. Reality TV is real folks. She is making turning 50 a job because she doesn't have one.

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