12 Things Mothers Do When Nobody’s Looking

Wannabee BLUNT
Written by Wannabee BLUNT

Little Timmy isn’t the only one sticking his hand inside the cookie jar on the sneak. No, we mothers wrote the book on that. The truth is there are a lot of things mothers do when nobody’s looking – we’re just smooth enough not to get caught…

1. Curse under their breath when they get up 3:47 a.m. and trek down the hall to the nursery just to put the pacifier back into the baby’s mouth.

2. Pick up the spoon their toddler just dropped on the kitchen floor and give it right back. Five second rule.

3. Retreat to their bedroom closet with a bag of cookies so they don’t have to share.

4. Hide their child’s favorite snack with the sole intention of making him or her forget about it, so as to make it easier for Mama to retreat to her bedroom closet and devour it later.

5. Fetch the mail or morning paper in such ratty, deplorable loungewear that others would have to see to believe.

6. Double-dip the spoon in the peanut butter jar, the kids’ macaroni and cheese, or whatever it is that we need to eat at the moment.

7. “Misplace” their child’s most annoying toy. And if it’s really annoying – and the child is on the verge of outgrowing it, the toy may just become lost for good.

8. Cry. Sometimes out of guilt, sometimes out of fatigue, sometimes for not feeling good enough.

9. Sneak a peek at their blog stats, Facebook/Instagram page, or Candy Crush game (insert guilty pleasure here) while pushing their kid on the swings at the playground.

10. Get their secret supermodel on by throwing on a flattering outfit and flossing in front of the mirror. (Mama can dream…alright?)

11. Sing. Loudly. And not just in the shower or the car.

And this one is a given…

12. Snoop. On anyone who lives under this roof. Ain’t no shame in my game.

What’s your SMB (Secret Mama Behavior)? Share in the comments below.

Courtney Conover
Blogger at The Brown Girl with Long Hair. You can also find her on Facebook and on Twitter.

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Wannabee BLUNT

Wannabee BLUNT

Wannabe's are Guest Authors to BLUNTmoms. They might be one-hit wonders, or share a variety of posts with us. They "may" share their names with you, or they might write as "anonymous" but either way, they are sharing their stories and their opinions on our site, and for that we are grateful.

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4 Comments

  • I don’t eat cookies – it’s their damn Pirate’s Booty. “I don’t know where it went honey, daddy must have eaten it”. Yeah and my other SMB is ALWAYS to blame daddy. ESPECIALLY when he’s on a road trip. LOVE this post!

    • I haven’t yet graduated to where you are, Kristen: As you already know, mine are 2.5 and 9 months, respectively, which means I don’t have to be creative when it comes to excuses. A simple,”I don’t know where it went. It must have disappeared,” will suffice. 😉 For now,anyway…

      Thank you very much for commenting!

  • *Laugh* Oh, these are great. I have to say my worst SMB is lying to my *MIL* about where the toys/books that she got the kids went. “Oh, it just randomly broke!” “Hmm, I just don’t know where that one is!” (Confession, we totally sabotaged it.) It would help if she didn’t bring the annoying/inappropriate thing in the first place… but whatcha gonna do?

    My other habit, and I’m sure my days doing this are numbered, is saying “Hmm, let me think about that,” to a request, and then thinking about it for so long that the request magically disappears…. 😀

    • Oh, Dakota! *Giving you virtual high-five from this end*…your latter sly move is indeed in my arsenal, too! And, yes, seeing as though our children are indeed so close in age, I’d say we have less than a year until that one doesn’t pass the smell test anymore…

      With regard to your MIL blocking, very clever, my friend. Very clever. I’m impressed. 🙂

      Thank you for commenting.