10 Ways Being A Mom is Just Like Being a Bar Star

Making the transition between care-free nightclub patron to full time Mother can be daunting. You are so cool, having all the fun dancing with friends. Then, you have a baby, and life as you know it is over.

There’s no reason to fear; as it turns out, being a mom is just like going to bar on a regular basis.

  1. The music gets annoying after a while, and it starts to sound the same. This is because it is the same. Let it go!
  2. The contents of your purse determine if you are going to have a good time. Just like when you don’t remember those handy little flats… if you forget his favorite toy, you are going to have a bad time waiting in line at the bank.
  3. You spend a lot of time in the bathroom trying to convince somebody more desperate to pee to go first. Also, you tell her she is *so pretty* and brush her hair. The good news is, you will see her again. Every day. Because she’s your kid, not some random drunk girl.
  4. You spend a lot of time trying to get people into bed. Unfortunately, there’s no sex because it’s three am and you are tired of people touching you every five minutes.
  5. Leaving a drink unattended is a terrible idea. When you’re a mom, that’s how your purse ends up full of coffee. 
  6. The people you hang out with are always hungry and thirsty. None of them get their own beverages or snacks. They leave their dishes everywhere and break things that are fragile.
  7. Everybody only has first names. You’re the odd one out in the group. Nobody remembers your name so they pick a nickname and they yell it whenever you enter the room. Mommy!
  8. There’s a TV on and you can’t even hear it over all the noise.
  9. You have to step outside to get a quiet moment to yourself.
  10. Sometimes people stumble around and barf on your shoes.

Motherhood is a pretty exclusive club with no VIP area. People follow you around harassing and demanding outrageous things . There are flashing lights, but now it usually means it’s time to replace the nightlight bulb.

As a seasoned customer of the bar scene, you will adjust to parenthood in no time at all. 


Alison Tedford is from Abbotsford, BC and has a day job counting things in a cubicle. She loves skinny vanilla lattes, naps and imitating Wonder Woman when she thinks nobody is looking. She blogs at: